Clipmarks | Sex joke Clips

Saudi Arabia bans sale of dogs, cats in capital

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 22:57:02 GMT

clipped by: Jorjor
clipper's remarks: This reminds me of the old joke, "Why do Baptists disapprove of sex? It could lead to dancing." This is an example of religious governance leading to interference in what should be totally secular areas of life. Of course we in the west pamper and coddle our pets, and often react with revulsion at the notion that there are places in the world where dogs are food animals. It's slightly more understandable in the case of dogs, because Islam considers them unclean, but that doesn't explain the ban on cats as well. The story about the Chinese emperor who cut the sleeve from a priceless robe rather than disturb his sleeping kitten has also been told about Mohammed. The article also fails to explain why the law applies only to men. If they realized that by allowing women to own pets, they have a privelege men don't, the entire fabric of Saudi society could come unraveled.

Clip Source: news.yahoo.com

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia - Every single man knows: Walking a dog in the park is a sure babe magnet. Saudi Arabia's Islamic religious police, in their zeal to keep the sexes apart, want to make sure the technique doesn't catch on here.

The solution: Ban selling dogs and cats as pets, as well as walking them in public.

Violators found outside with their pets will have their beloved poodles and other furry companions confiscated by agents of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice, the official name of the religious police, tasked with enforcing Saudi Arabia's strict Islamic code.

The commission's general manager, Othman al-Othman, said the ban was ordered because of what he called "the rising of phenomenon of men using cats and dogs to make passes at women and pester families" as well as "violating proper behavior in public squares and malls."

"If a man is caught with a pet,

the man will be forced to sign a document pledging not to repeat the act,"

Tags: arab, islam, pets, dogs, cats, religion, silly

Forget about sex, Crudeness Sells:

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 19:55:41 GMT

clipped by: zelda67
clipper's remarks: Cartoon characters get to say it all!

Clip Source: www.newser.com

(Newser) – Advertising execs usually like spokesmen to be safe, wholesome, family-friendly figures. So why the heck are the Griffins their new darlings? From Coca-Cola to Subway, everyone seems to be tapping the "Family Guy" clan, despite the show’s tendency to joke about sex, religion, AIDS, and other wholesome, family-friendly topics. It seems crude is “in,” the New York Times reports.

Advertisers like the demographics that "Family Guy" hits, and note that cartoon characters can’t get in off-screen trouble the way real actors can. But there were still “folks who thought it was a little controversial,” said one Subway executive. Of the six scripts submitted for commercials, “four, we couldn’t use,” he said with a laugh. “We’re still a family restaurant.”

[Video]

Tags: family guy, advertising

The Replacement

Wed, 14 May 2008 16:02:17 GMT

clipped by: 4freedomstantra

Clip Source: www.askaboutloveandsex.com

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him, "You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose, the person in that room will switch with you. They'll go to heaven and you'll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room."

The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped. The second room has someone being burned by a torch. The third has a man getting blown by a naked woman.

"I choose this room!" the man says.

"Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder.

"You can go now. I've found you're replacement."

Tags: humor, sex joke, fun, funny, comedy

Best Programming Jokes

Fri, 09 May 2008 06:17:39 GMT

clipped by: mohammadi

Clip Source: www.devtopics.com

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don't.

Programming is like sex:
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp.

genie

but only one wish

"I'd want peace in the Middle East."

The genie responds

I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.

"Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes."

the genie responds, "Um, let me see that map again."

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike.

"Where'd you get that?"

"While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want'."

"Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

Tags: joke, programming, programmer

Maher Calls Pope A Nazi

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 16:24:11 GMT

clipped by: Skipper61

Clip Source: www.foxnews.com

Bill Maher

Comedian Bill Maher stopped short of apologizing Friday night for accusing Pope Benedict XVI of being a Nazi, but he said he'd refrain in the future from drawing that connection.

"I will never make 'the pope is a Nazi' joke again," Maher said on his HBO show, "Real Time With Bill Maher."

Maher then returned to criticizing the Catholic Church for its clergy sex abuse scandal, saying the pope would be in jail if he were the executive of a chain of day-care centers where similar abuse was found.

Click here to view Maher's apology

It isn't out of character for Maher to skewer Catholicism on his show, but his April 11 rant about the pope's visit to the United States prompted a group of politicians to send a letter to HBO President Sue Naegle saying Maher had "crossed the line of decency."

Catholic League President Bill Donohue said Maher "lied when he said the Pope 'used to be a Nazi.'

Marilyn Monroe Sex Film To Be Kept Private

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 22:53:57 GMT

clipped by: Skipper61

Clip Source: www.reuters.com

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A 15-minute film of Marilyn Monroe engaging in oral sex with an unidentified man will be kept from public view by a New York businessman who has bought it for $1.5 million, the broker of the deal said on Monday.

Memorabilia collector Keya Morgan said he recently arranged the sale of the silent, black-and-white film from the son of a dead FBI informant who possessed it to a wealthy Manhattan businessman who wants to protect Monroe's privacy.

"The gentleman who bought it said out respect for Marilyn he's not going to make a joke of it and put it on the Internet and try to exploit her," said memorabilia collector Keya Morgan. "That's not his intention and I would never get my name involved if that were to happen."

Monroe is clothed and the man's head remains out of the frame for the entire 15 minutes of the film, said Morgan, who watched it.

Flirting females baffle men

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 07:16:34 GMT

clipped by: dakotayii
clipper's remarks: You mean............

Clip Source: www.telegraph.co.uk

The flutter of eyelashes, the smile across the dancefloor and the giggle after a lame joke - every woman knows the time-honoured ways to get a man.

But research suggests that the flirty female is wasting her time. Men, it seems, are blind to the subtle seduction techniques of the opposite sex.

Short of pouncing on the object of her lust, a woman's non-verbal signals of sexual interest often prove sadly lost on the young male brain, according to a study to be published next month in Psychological Science.

Male students scored worse for accuracy than females - and they were particularly confused by amiability and amorousness. The men commonly mistook women's sexual signals as merely friendly and were prone to see friendliness as a blatant advance.

According to the researchers, rather than going through life thinking: "She wants me", men often find themselves trying to navigate a foreign world of social signals without a phrasebook.

Tags: society

This Swimmer is in the Deep End of Gender Wars

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 12:48:40 GMT

clipped by: rmowery

Clip Source: online.wsj.com

This Swimmer
Is in Deep End
Of Gender Wars

SAN JOSE, Calif. -- Kenyon Smith, a lithe and good-looking young man who just had his 18th birthday, is an Aquamaid.

He swims, in unison, with the Santa Clara Aquamaids, a club of synchronized swimmers. All the other Aquamaids are girls. They wear sparkly bathing suits, gobs of makeup and starlet smiles as they splash-dance around the pool. They show a lot of leg.

Comics think synchro is great material, and when the joke is on a person of the nonfemale sex, it's a sure winner. So let's all laugh at Kenyon Smith, the male synchronized swimmer.

Now here's the not-so-comical part: Young Mr. Smith isn't just any old male synchronized swimmer. He's a phenomenon. His twists and splits and head-down pirouettes are crisp and fast. His rocket thrusts him out of the water, pointy-toes first, all the way up to his armpits. He can swim almost 75 yards underwater without blacking out.

Tags: gender wars, syncronized swimming, male

Grow A Bigger Penis - The Top 5 List

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 17:41:26 GMT

clipped by: tonynot
clipper's remarks: The image shows a fish not what you think!

Clip Source: digg.com

mymedjokes.blogspot.com — Funny. The top five ways to enlarge the human penis. Weights. Exercises. Pumps. Medications. Surgery.

Tags: joke, health, sex

Shakie Shakie!

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 22:25:53 GMT

clipped by: 4freedomstantra
clipper's remarks: The man just smiles and says, "Parkinson's."

Clip Source: www.askaboutloveandsex.com

An elderly woman moves into a nursing home. Her daughter helps her unpack and get settled in. After a few days, the woman notices a male resident who sits out on the porch every day, all by himself. She decides to go over and talk to him.

She asks if she can sit with him awhile. He looks at her for a second and says, "Yeah, you can, but only if you'll hold my dick." At first she's horrified and outraged. But then she thinks, "He's lonely, I'm lonely…" Finally, she agrees. She gets a blanket to put over their laps and she sits next to him every day, holding his dick.

After a few weeks, her daughter comes to take her mother for a weekend visit. When the woman returns to the nursing home, the first thing she sees is the man on the porch next to another elderly woman. They have a blanket across their laps. The first woman knows what the second woman is doing. She storms up the steps and starts yelling at the man.

"What does SHE have that I don't have?!" she screams.

Tags: fun, humor, sex jokes, joke, funny

FOX: The Pants are Off the Girls!!!

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 18:54:29 GMT

clipped by: righthand
clipper's remarks: "And then Earhardt coyly continues, "Would you like us to wear pants, Brian?" "No, no!" Brian exclaims. (She does have great legs, I admit.) "It's very hard to please Brian," a second female anchor jokes. And then Brian, who sounds like a great guy, announces, "If I were to run for office, I would run on a pro-skirt platform. I am firmly behind the skirts." Another male anchor adds, "You're firmly behind the skirts? Is that what you just said?"

At this point, the second female anchor interjects, a bit sternly, "I think you should stop now."

Uhhhh...yeah.

What's interesting here is that Earhardt said not "we don't wear pants," but "we don't wear the pants." It would have made sense for Earhardt to say "we are feminine, (ergo) we don't wear pants," which of course would not have been actually true but would have been stereotypically true insofar as the Western construct of feminine appearance. But Earhardt says, "here at Fox we like to be feminine, so we don't wear the pants." A

Clip Source: www.alternet.org

Who Wears the Pants in the Media?

A female Fox news anchor asserts that "Here at Fox we like to be feminine, so we don't wear the pants." What does that mean for female journalists?

I can still see the sorority of always giggling, liberally lip-glossed, buxom TV anchor-esses. Doubtlessly hired for their Columbia Journalism School degrees and hardnosed critical analysis, right?

As a (prickly feminist) young woman in journalism who wants to be taken seriously for my tenacity and reportage, that's frustrating to watch. To say the least.

On Sunday's Fox & Friends, a male anchor hands the broadcast over to a female anchor, cracks a joke about pants suits (gee, who do we think they were talking about?) and asks her, "Have you ever worn a pantsuit? Are you a pantsuit woman?"

Ainsley Earhardt -- the anchor-ess -- tucks her hair behind her ears and replies, "I have! But, see, here at Fox we like to be feminine, so we don't wear the pants."

oyly continues, "Would you like us to wear pants, Brian?

Tags: :fox, media, sex, females

Gender Stereotypes Underlie Sex Segregated Education

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 16:07:08 GMT

clipped by: digits
clipper's remarks: Gender stereotypes are still one of the last bastions of socially acceptable disparages.

Clip Source: digits.stumbleupon.com

Gender Stereotypes Underlie Sex Segregated Education
"Math is hard" Barbie said once upon a time [1992]. That Barbie quip was swiped from the list of utterances after complaints from educators.

Yes women are different than men. To deny that is not facing facts. But come on. Educating based on gender differences, in itself, relies on stereotypes, doesn't it? Gender stereotypes are still one of the last bastions of socially acceptable disparages.

We would never dream - in this era of Political Correctness to divide classrooms based on race would we? In polite company we'd never tell a racist joke would we? But you can bet...the blonde jokes and women subserviating to men jokes are still alive and well even in polite company.

We're both people bringing different sets of skills and qualities to any situation; even the classroom. Is an apple any less of a fruit than an orange?

One more thing. Don't read the referenced op-ed unless you want to scream.
And yeah! Like a girl!

Read the Article

Tags: feminism, gender, gender equality, education

I believe

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 10:51:26 GMT

clipped by: Aribeth
clipper's remarks: "I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do.
I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive.
I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck.
I believe that anyone who says sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly.
I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too.
I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies.
I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system.
I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it."

Neil Gaiman

Clip Source: www.goodreads.com

I can believe things that are true and things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not.

I believe that people are perfectable, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkled lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women.

I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks

I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars.

I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumble bee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself.

Tags: neil gaiman, quotes

Pinocchio learns masturbation

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 23:11:46 GMT

clipped by: 4freedomstantra

Clip Source: www.askaboutloveandsex.com

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.

A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"

Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

Tags: fun, humor, funny, sex joke, joke, pinocchio, masturbation

On Line Orgasmic Simulation

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 19:44:37 GMT

clipped by: debbyski
clipper's remarks: Ok, you gotta admit this is pretty funny.

Clip Source: www.ezines4all.com

On-line Orgasmic Simulation.

How does the other sex experience pleasure

You've always wondered how the other sex experiences an orgasm... Do you want to see the difference? Then try this Orgasmic Simulation:

Try and see how a man experiences an orgasm:

Finally understand how a woman experiences pleasure:

Tags: its, a, joke

Clipmarks | Sex joke Clips

Saudi Arabia bans sale of dogs, cats in capital

Forget about sex, Crudeness Sells:

The Replacement

Best Programming Jokes

Maher Calls Pope A Nazi

Marilyn Monroe Sex Film To Be Kept Private

Flirting females baffle men

This Swimmer is in the Deep End of Gender Wars

This Swimmer Is in Deep End Of Gender Wars

Grow A Bigger Penis - The Top 5 List

Shakie Shakie!

FOX: The Pants are Off the Girls!!!

Gender Stereotypes Underlie Sex Segregated Education

I believe

Pinocchio learns masturbation

On Line Orgasmic Simulation

This Swimmer
Is in Deep End
Of Gender Wars