Clipmarks | Satire Clips

The 10 Biggest Disappointments of the Decade

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 12:37:58 GMT

clipped by: digitalfever
clipper's remarks: There have been some amazing, life-affirming occurrences over the past ten years. But you don’t want to hear about those, do you? Thought not. Here’s the most crushing letdowns of the decade…

Clip Source: blog.knowyourmoney.co.uk

The 10 Biggest Disappointments of the Decade

There have been some amazing, life-affirming occurrences over the past ten years. But you don’t want to hear about those, do you?

Thought not. Here’s the most crushing letdowns of the decade…

10. The Y2K Bug: Crappest techno-crisis ever (1st January 2000)
The disappointments started early this decade. For years there had been rumblings about an impending IT meltdown due to the widespread (and rather short-sighted) abbreviation of years into two digits.

As media scaremongers counted down to the apocalyptic ’00 switchover, the Millenium Bug hype ramped up considerably and, as I remember it, people began stockpiling tins of analogue food and steam-powered hair straighteners in a desperate bid to stave off the annihilation of civilisation.

Tags: bizarre, humor, satire, decade, amazing

Fort Hood 'ticking timebomb' shooter

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 01:21:28 GMT

clipped by: foxyarse
clipper's remarks: Major Abu Nidal remains in under armed guard and in a coma amid the FBI probe into the killing of 13 and the wounding of 31 at the US army base.

On Sunday an ashen-faced and paranoid-looking ex-President Bush toured the camp, muttering incoherently and barking orders as if he was still in charge.

General Colon Bowel is on a phishing trip somewhere near the Azores.

Clip Source: www.thespoof.com

Fort Hood 'ticking timebomb' shooter: the George W Bush connection

Texas - (Freudian Flip): The Fort Hood shrink was on the mental health certification panel that passed Bush's 1994 Texas gubernatorial Pioneer funraisers as 'clinically sane', according to reports.

Cocaine, organised crime and mental retardation....

And Pentagon Bonesmen colleagues - who erased George W Bush's criminal records - may have also helped fake Major 'Abu Nidal' Malik Hasan's psychiatric qualifications.

This week FBI agents probing the Major's background will lay bare Yale University's Skull 'N' Bones Society alumni records.

These are believed to show Bonesmen were involved in eradicating all references to cocaine, organised crime and mental retardation from Bush's CV.

Also in the FBI frame is First Earth Battalion founder and Men Who Stare At Goats nutter General Albert Stubblebine III.

Tags: fort hood, george w bush, satire

Tittanic ⨀⨀ Merkel spricht vor US-Kongreß

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:34:51 GMT

clipped by: edbullet
clipper's remarks: www.Wochenschau.TV

Clip Source: www.titanic-magazin.de

Bundeskanzlerein Angela Merkel hat in ihrer Rede vor dem US-Kongreß die USA in höchsten Tönen gelobt: "Jeans fand ich toll." Doch auch für Kritik hatte Merkel in ihrer kurzen Rede Zeit:

"Die Berliner-Luftbrücke fällt nun schon seit 60 Jahren täglich aus. Tun Sie endlich was!"
"Die neue Staffel von 'Dr. House' ist Ihnen nicht besonders gut gelungen!"
"Ich bin überzeugt: Die Cheeseburger von McDonalds werden immer kleiner!"
"Dieser Kennedy war überhaupt kein Berliner!"
"Ihre Uhren gehen alle um acht Stunden verkehrt, das sehen wir Deutschen gar nicht gern!"

Tags: magazin, satire, titanic

Don't Portray Obama or Global Governance in a 'Negative Light'

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 09:58:48 GMT

clipped by: blueridge
clipper's remarks: Obama's media liaison meets with Fox News (Satire). Pardon, it just fits so well.

Proof of appropriateness of this from this article here in Dec. 2008

It's a record-setting press honeymoon.

President-elect Barack Obama has received the most positive campaign news coverage on the main network news shows in the 20-year history of such studies by the Center for Media and Public Affairs (CMPA).

Wonder when the media, other than Fox, will end the love fest and start reporting people's fears and concerns about the Agenda, and without similar V tactics from the White House.

Clip Source: www.youtube.com

[Video]

Tags: obama, propaganda, media, fox news, public manipulation, world government

Obama lifts a ban on entry into U.S. by dead people

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 11:28:38 GMT

clipped by: foxyarse
clipper's remarks: The United States is one of only about a dozen countries that bar dead people from sitting next to their sex partners on international flights headed for the US.

Clip Source: www.thespoof.com

Obama lifts a ban on entry into U.S. by dead people

WASHINGTON DC - President Obama on Friday announced the end of a 22-year ban on travel to the United States by dead people, fulfilling a promise he made to necrophilia advocates and acting to eliminate a restriction he said was "rooted in fear rather than fact."

This dead person didn't make it through airport security

President Obama signed an order Friday allowing dead people to enter the country.

At a White House ceremony, Mr. Obama announced that a rule canceling the ban would be published on Monday and would take effect after a routine 60-day waiting period. The president had promised to end the ban before the end of the year.

"If we want to be a global leader in combating population growth, we need to act like it," Mr. Obama said. "Now, we talk about reducing population, yet we've treated a dead sex partner as a threat."

Tags: obama lifts a ban on entry into u.s. by dead peopl, satire

Burn the Bible!

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:47:03 GMT

clipped by: harveymathis37
clipper's remarks: I just wanted to note that I am in no way endorsing this article. I am just posting it for it's content.

Clip Source: unreasonablefaith.com

If God Had Wanted Me To Be Accepting Of Gays…

If God wanted fundamentalists to be accepting of gays, wouldn’t he have given them some warmth and compassion to do so? But he didn’t, so it’s obvious he wants them to hate gays and strip them of their rights. Or at least that’s what an article in The Onion argues. As usual, a great point is made through satire. Here’s an excerpt:

I don’t question God. The Lord is my Shepherd and I shall put none above Him. Which is why I know that if it were part of God’s plan for me to stop viciously condemning others based solely on their sexual preference, He would have seen fit—in His infinite wisdom and all—to have given me the tiniest bit of human empathy necessary to do so.

It’s a simple matter of logic, really. God made me who I am, and who I am is a cold, anti-gay zealot. Thus, I abhor gay people because God made me that way. Why is that so hard to understand?

Making-Of: “Schweinegrippe Impfo” - Edgar entdeckt Extra3

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 02:53:16 GMT

clipped by: edbullet
clipper's remarks: Schweinegrippe Impfo-Bus. Aufgenommen wurden die spontanen Szenen mit einer Creatíve Vado. Überrrascht hat auch hier wieder die Qualität dieser 49,- Euro Mini-Kamera.

Clip Source: wochenschau.tv

[Video]

Was kommt nach der Schweinegrippe? Etwa eine Froschgrippe oder gar eine gefährliche Eichelgrippe? Unser Reporter Edgar hat einen NDR Impffrosch am Hamburger Hauptbahnhof entdeckt und interviewt.

Aufgenommen wurden die spontanen Szenen mit einer Creatíve Vado. Überrrascht hat auch hier wieder die Qualität dieser 49,- Euro Mini-Kamera.

impfen - westerwelle - podcast - blog - fernsehteam - bus - schlegl - johannes - schlueter - sendung - wochenschau - tv - pharma - industrie - film - 2010 - 2009 - nnn - ndr - klaus - npd - video - h1n1 - doku - satire - song - lied - schweine - grippe - impfung - extra - extra3 -

Making-Of: “Schweinegrippe Impfo” - Edgar entdeckt Extra3swinw

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 02:52:15 GMT

Clip Source: wochenschau.tv

[Video]

Was kommt nach der Schweinegrippe? Etwa eine Froschgrippe oder gar eine gefährliche Eichelgrippe? Unser Reporter Edgar hat einen NDR Impffrosch am Hamburger Hauptbahnhof entdeckt und interviewt.

Aufgenommen wurden die spontanen Szenen mit einer Creatíve Vado. Überrrascht hat auch hier wieder die Qualität dieser 49,- Euro Mini-Kamera.

Tags: swine flu, schweinegrippe, impfen, impfung

Making-Of: "Schweinegrippe Impfo" - Edgar entdeckt Extra3

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 02:50:03 GMT

Clip Source: wochenschau.tv

[Video]

Was kommt nach der Schweinegrippe? Etwa eine Froschgrippe oder gar eine gefährliche Eichelgrippe? Unser Reporter Edgar hat einen NDR Impffrosch am Hamburger Hauptbahnhof entdeckt und interviewt.

Aufgenommen wurden die spontanen Szenen mit einer Creatíve Vado. Überrrascht hat auch hier wieder die Qualität dieser 49,- Euro Mini-Kamera.

Tags: sc

New Seven Layer Whopper! Can You Handle it?

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 22:42:53 GMT

clipped by: katsteevns
clipper's remarks: This Windows 7 Whopper might be estimated at five times larger than a typical quarter pounder. Thus, if you do the math, this 7-layered Whopper could be using 7,000 gallons of water to produce (give or take, depending on the size of the patties). In a world running out of fresh water supplies (fossil water), that's a huge quantity to plow through in one meal.

Clip Source: www.naturalnews.com

Burger King (Japan) offers Windows 7 Whopper with 7 beef patties for $7.77 (satire)

(NaturalNews) What do you get when you combine a good operating system with a ridiculously bad idea of a burger? Burger King's news "Windows 7 Whopper," made with 7 beef patties and sold for ¥777 (Yen).

Stacked five inches high, it's not yet clear whether customers will be able to shove this burger down their throats in the way Microsoft did with Vista a few years back,

You might need 7 anti-diarrhea pills and 7 days of rest just to recover.

Even if your stomach can handle the Whopper 7, there's a larger question of whether the planet can: The factory production of beef requires enormous quantities of fresh water. According to the Water Education Foundation, a quarter-pound hamburger requires roughly 1,300 gallons of fresh water to produce (by the time you factor in all the water the cows drink, the water for the crops fed to cows, etc.).

Radical Islamist to Lead Unprecedented March

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 21:44:08 GMT

clipped by: foxyarse
clipper's remarks: Mr Griffin also hailed the development, saying, "this move by the Pak.. I mean the radical Islamists demonstrates that the BNP is now the right choice for Britain's idiots. We stand now as a mainstream Party, offering the opportunity of quality multicultural unfairness to all Britain's morons.

As part of the move the BNP's Constitution is to be reviewed to bring it more in line with the teachings of radical Islam. References to 'ragheads' and other potentially Islamic slights are to be removed, with greater emphasis placed instead on the disempowerment of woman. However, both men said they were in agreement that any bits about being Jewish could stay in place.

Reports that the cleric intends to stand for Parliament remain unconfirmed.

Clip Source: www.thespoof.com

Radical Islamist to Lead Unprecedented March

A radical cleric is to lead 5000 extremists in an unprecedented march across London, it was announced today.

The cleric, known best for his calls for Shari'ah Law and the death penalty for failure to possess a prayer mat, will lead his followers from the Houses of Parliament to the British Nazi National Party HQ at The Mosley Correction Club, W1, at which point all 5000 will join the British National Party in a mass signing witnessed by BNP leader Nick Griffin.

The announcement follows the British Nazi Party's decision to open their membership process to non-white races, as long as the applicant can show a demonstrable history of racism.

The cleric said, "this is a great day for bigots across the UK, insh'Allah. The joining of racist politics with racist religion proves that narrow-mindedness and bigotry is not limited by colour or belief, rather by a united and shared stupidity."

Tags: radical islamist to lead unprecedented march, satire, bnp

'Intoxicated' pilots flail to land

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 21:27:29 GMT

clipped by: foxyarse
clipper's remarks: A statement released by the National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) said: "The crew told us 'isheh thehshs ussshe, ehhhh?'. We are hoping to get more from them after they dry out."

Clip Source: www.thespoof.com

'Intoxicated' pilots flail to land

Bratwurst Airlines, Airsled flight AA-151, was flying erratically today on the way from San Diego to Minneapolis. It missed the airport and started circling over an Indian reservation, where it was attacked with arrows.

The pilot, just prior to waking up at the controls

Contact with the Bratwurst Airlines plane was lost for an hour as it flew at 37ft, sparking forest fires. The Air Force had their finger on the button, but felt that no citizens were in danger, so let the plane alone.

The crew said they had been drinking diet soda with extra aspartame. The stewardesses were alarmed when they came into the cabin to find both pilots unconscious with their tongues hanging out, diet soda spilled all over the cockpit.

The plane landed safely at Minneapolis after the stewardess kicked the crap out of the pilots, bringing them back from la la land.

Tags: 'intoxicated' pilots flail to land, satire

10 steps to becoming a Swine Flu Vax ZOMBIE

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 10:06:13 GMT

clipped by: leevardi

Clip Source: www.naturalnews.com

How to be a swine flu vaccine zealot (satire)

So I've put together this handy guide to help them along:

Step 1) Loudly proclaim your vaccines are backed by "science," but when critics ask you to produce that science, just tell them you don't have to because "everybody knows they work." (Then grunt and paw at the air from time to time for effect...)

Step 2) Practice scoffing. Scoffing is an important skill for swine flu vaccine zealots. When someone asks an intelligent question like, "Where are the placebo-controlled studies that show flu vaccines work at all?" simply scoff at them. This avoids having to answer the question because, as you know, there are no such studies.

Step 3) Practice making people feel guilty for not getting the flu shot. Blame them for pandemic. Just ignore the fact that the shot itself has zero ability to actually prevent the spread of influenza and focus on what works: Guilt!

Hannibal Lecter's plan endorsed by Obama

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:24:50 GMT

clipped by: foxyarse
clipper's remarks: President Obama had not released any details of his proposal, a proposal that many feared would have ended up under review by the Supreme Court, as it would seem to violate the entirety of the U.S. Constitution, not to mention being what he had campaigned against. That's when Dr. Lecter came out of his self-imposed seclusion to lend a hand.

"If you simply bring me the detainees, I will house them in my secure basement facility, as many as I can accomodate, and distribute such that I cannot to...let us say...like-minded associates with proven experience in confinement methodologies.", said Dr. Lecter in a memorandum submitted to the White House yesterday. The "associates" the doctor refers to are believed to be a well trained and experienced group of psychopathic serial killers, who's basements have already been modified in a manner that would make a SuperMax seem like a child's playpen.

Initial reaction was favorable, especially amongst Corrections officers from Leavenworth to Si

Clip Source: www.thespoof.com

Hannibal Lecter's plan endorsed by Obama

"If Lecter says so, I'll take a few. No questions, though."

BALTIMORE, Maryland - Dr. Hannibal Lecter, noted forensic psychologist and epicurean cannibal, has stepped forward to suggest a new detention plan for the Gitmo detainees that some say "tests the bounds" of the American legal system. President Obama had been looking for a way to safely

incarcerate the detainees in what his administration has suggested calling a "prolonged detention", an old English phrase meaning "holde ye foryver with nought a tryal".

There are already some legal tools that might allow this, such as the treatment of the mentally ill, dangerous sex offenders, and the kid who didn't have a thousand dollars bail when picked up with a baggie of pot. But historically, most Americans have shied away from holding people with no trial, reasoning in a cowardly fashion that if this is allowed, it might be them next.

Tags: hannibal lecter's plan endorsed by obama, satire

Al-Qaeda Want Our Oxfam Shops

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 10:10:59 GMT

clipped by: foxyarse
clipper's remarks: "Without this education, many are committing suicide because they see no future for themselves", he sighed.

"I'm sure you'll all agree this is a global tragedy and your money will help bring it to an end", he concluded.

Many thanks...

Clip Source: www.thespoof.com

Al-Qaeda Want Our Oxfam Shops

Islamist group Al-Qaeda is so short of money that it's looking to open a worldwide chain of High Street charity shops.

Founded back in 1988, Al-Qaeda is an educational organisation, dedicated to the well-being of deprived children, the learning of Islam and the promotion of sharia law across the globe.

Currently based in the Waziristan region, where they offer free education to the poor via a network of charitable madrassas, Al-Qaeda is anxious to do similar good works in the cities of USA and Great Britain.

The current Chair of the organisation is a kindly looking clerical chap called Osama bin Laden.

"We are appealing to the free world for help in this important cause", pleaded Mr Laden. "If kind people would donate their unwanted household goods to our new AQ chain of charity shops, they will have the satisfaction of knowing they are helping a child learn to read and write", he added.

Tags: al-qaeda want our oxfam shops, satire