Clipmarks | Pope Clips

Unintentionally funny newspaper headlines

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 14:35:46 GMT

clipped by: kankamuso

Clip Source: funnies.paco.to

Some are just slips of the tongue

Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
House passes gas tax onto senate
Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
William Kelly was fed secretary
Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
Farmer bill dies in house
Iraqi head seeks arms

Some become unintentionally suggestive

Queen Mary having bottom scraped
Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes appeal to Pope
Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
NJ judge to rule on nude beach
Child's stool great for use in garden
Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
Organ festival ends in smashing climax

Grammar often botches other headlines

Eye drops off shelf
Squad helps dog bite victim
Dealers will hear car talk at noon
Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
Miners refuse to work after death
Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter

Once in a while, a botched headline takes on a meaning opposite from the one intended:

Never withhold herpes from loved one
Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better

Sometimes newspaper editors state the obvious

If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
War dims hope for peace
Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
Cold wave linked to temperatures
Child's death ruins couple's holiday
Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
Man is fatally slain
Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation

Tags: funny, humor, newspapers, headlines

Pope Feared Bush Is The Anti-Christ

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 14:02:39 GMT

clipped by: thisnamecantbetaken
clipper's remarks:

The Pope, who grew up facing the evils of Hitler and Stalin, knows evil when he sees it.

An old article from 2003, but very thought-provoking! Now, I'm no Catholic, but if Pope John Paul ll (rest in peace) had such concerns about the "goodness" of Mr George W. Bush, then I sit up and listen. Are there any Catholics out there who know what the Church's or the current Pope's stand on this issue is now?

Clip Source: www.counterpunch.org

Bush's "Christian" Blood Cult

Concerns Raised by the Vatican

Bush's blood lust, his repeated commitment to Christian beliefs, and his constant references to "evil doers," in the eyes of many devout Catholic leaders, bear all the hallmarks of the one warned about in the Book of Revelations - the anti-Christ. People close to the Pope claim that amid these concerns, the Pontiff wishes he was younger and in better health to confront the possibility that Bush may represent the person prophesized in Revelations.

John Paul II has always believed the world was on the precipice of the final confrontation between Good and Evil

the Pope and his closest advisers are also concerned that the ultimate acts of evil - the September 11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon - were known in advance by senior Bush administration officials.

Bush represents a dangerous right-wing ideologue who couples his political fanaticism with a neo-Christian blood cult

the Pope should know

Tags: pope, john paul ll, catholicism, good, evil, christianity, anti-christ, religion., gwb, bush

We Are Sick And Tired Of George W. Bush

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 12:53:27 GMT

clipped by: debbyski

Clip Source: www.latimes.com

Last week's presidential tour featured lots of protest and precious little adulation. In the Czech Republic, demonstrators greeted Bush with signs reading "Bush number one terrorist." In Italy, where more than two dozen CIA agents face criminal trial for the illegal "rendition" of terror suspects, tens of thousands of anti-Bush protesters took to the streets. At the Vatican, the pope took Bush to task over the Iraq war. Only in Albania did Bush receive a rapturous welcome — though video footage led to speculation that in the celebration an Albanian Bush "fan" may have relieved the president of his watch.

Come to think of it, there is one thing for which we should all give the president credit. Bush famously promised to be a uniter, not a divider — and at long last, he may have managed to keep that promise. Though there's still much that divides us, the nation and the world are increasingly united on at least one issue: We're sick and tired of the presidency of George W. Bush.

Tags: united, we, stand

Top 13 Worst Slogan Translations Ever

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 12:32:27 GMT

clipped by: amberella

Clip Source: moronland.net

Top 13 Worst Slogan Translations Ever

13) When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

10) Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."

9) Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.

8) When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what's inside, since many people can't read.

6) Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken," was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."

4) An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).

3) The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are You Lactating?"

Tags: humor, slogans

History's greatest replies

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 18:35:06 GMT

clipped by: Aribeth
clipper's remarks: "All of them—along with many, many hundreds more—appear in my Viva la Repartee book."

Pope John XXIII

One of the few pontiffs in history with a rich sense of humor, Pope John XXIII once reported to an interviewer that important problems would frequently come to mind in the middle of the night, disturbing his sleep. Half awake, he'd make a mental note: "I must speak to the pope about that." "Then," he confessed, "I would be wide awake and remember—I am the pope!" Once asked by a journalist, "How many people work in the Vatican?" the pontiff pondered the question, giving the impression that he was trying to come up with an accurate estimate. Then, with a straight face, he answered: "About half."

(more at the source)

Clip Source: www.drmardy.com

John Barrymore

As he was relieving himself, a woman entered and was shocked to see a man urinating into one of the toilets. "How dare you!" she exclaimed, "This is for ladies!" The actor turned toward the woman, organ in hand, and resonantly said in full actor's voice:

"And so, madam, is this."

Robert Benchley

After lunching at the Algonquin Hotel one day

Benchley offhandedly said to the uniformed man standing by the front door, "My good man, would you please get me a taxi?" The man immediately took offense and replied indignantly, "I'm not a doorman. I happen to be a rear admiral in the United States Navy." Benchley instantly quipped:

"All right then,
get me a battleship."

Calvin Coolidge

At a White House dinner one evening, a female guest sidled up to the President and whispered in his ear, "You must talk to me, Mr. President. I made a bet today that I could get more than two words out of you." Coolidge whispered back:

"You lose."

101 Greatest George Carlin Quotes

Fri, 28 Dec 2007 10:48:51 GMT

clipped by: swampfoxz
clipper's remarks: Carlin for pope!
This is one of the few humans that makes any sense at all.

Clip Source: blogzarro.com

101 Greatest George Carlin Quotes

I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?

I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.

I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I’m an American — you know, you grow.

No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

“No comment” is a comment.

So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

Tags: carlin quotes

Pope correcting Jesus

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 13:00:27 GMT

clipped by: Johanna_G
clipper's remarks:

I don't care what the pope says, I much prefer Jesus Christ's definition of a church, which I included in my cartoon today,

says Bob Englehart, who created this cartoon, in his blog.

Clip Source: www.bloglines.com

Tags: christendom, bible, roman-catholic church, pope, jesus, church, catholicism, katholizismus, kirche

Shroud Of Turin Accidentally Dyed Pink

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 03:37:10 GMT

clipped by: JohnWaterman

Clip Source: www.theonion.com

VATICAN CITY—The Shroud of Turin, an ancient linen cloth believed to bear the image of Christ and considered by many clerics and devotees to be one of the holiest relics of the Christian faith, was inadvertently dyed a light shade of pink after being washed with a red T-shirt, sources reported

Though it has suffered oxidation and fire damage over the centuries, this is the first time that the shroud has been harmed in a laundry-related mishap

"Simply because the shroud has been given a slight pinkish tint does not in any way diminish its sanctity," Vatican spokesman Cardinal Giovanni Lajolo said during a press conference held to address the spiritual repercussions of the shroud's staining

the damage occurred when Pope Benedict XVI

did not notice that a brand-new, bright-red Hanes Beefy-T belonging to Cardinal Angelo Sodano had been placed inside of the consecrated cleansing vessel

And who are we to question or reject the ways the Lord works through our laundry?" Lajolo continued

10 Incredible Recordings

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 08:38:58 GMT

clipped by: haraya
clipper's remarks:

I feel that I should advise that a couple of the items here are quite horrific and I would recommend that those who are weak of heart or who have a nervous disposition avoid them. The items I am referring to are marked in the text. The items are not in any particular order as it is very hard to rate the historical importance versus the just plain weird value.

Clip Source: listverse.com

1. Alessandro Moreschi (the only recorded true castrato) [Wikipedia]

Play / Download the mp3 (1.5mb)

2. Mado Robin - highest recorded sung note [Wikipedia]

Play / Download the mp3 (2.5mb)

3. Florence Foster Jenkins - worst singer [Wikipedia]

Play / Download the mp3 (3.4mb)

4. Pope Leo XIII (first recorded Pope - 1903) [Wikipedia]

Play / Download the mp3 (712kb)

5. Lord Hawhaw (William Joyce) - executed for treason [Wikipedia]

Play / Download the mp3 (400kb)

6. Number Stations [Wikipedia]

Play / Download the mp3 (1.6mb)

7. Florence Nightingale - invented modern nursing [Wikipedia]

Play / Download the mp3 (1mb)

8. [WARNING] Russian Exorcism [Wikipedia]

Play / Download the mp3 (2.5mb)

9. [WARNING] Jonestown - the last 30 minutes (November 18, 1978) [Wikipedia]

Play / Download the mp3 (20.4mb)

10. First recording of human voices (1878 - Frank Lambert) [Wikipedia]

Play / Download the mp3 (296kb)

11. The Sounds of Hell (Siberia) [Wikipedia]

Play / Download the mp3 (296kb)

Tags: entertainment, audio, list, people, religion, life, history, recording, sound

'God doesn't give two shits' - Insightful comment from a young clipper

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 22:38:08 GMT

clipped by: sohil
clipper's remarks: Right on ajt167

Clip Source: clipmarks.com

benedict is undoing many good things that JP2 did

benedict is alienating people of his own church and other denominations and religions as well. how anyone can have the audacity to say that their religion is the only true one, or that other christians aren't true christians, is beyond me. my church broke away from the roman catholic church about 100 or so years ago. i personally think God doesn't give two shits about apostolic succession, or what, if any, church you go to, or what name you call him, or what gender you're attracted to, or if you had sex before you were married, or your views on stem cell research, or if you believe in him/her/it at all. i think he just wants people to be kind to each other, live your life the best you could, and be happy. and i DON'T think that the pope or anyone else knows any more or less than me about what God wants.

Tags: religion, comments, clipmarks, god, pope, christianity, islam, hinduism, alienation, gay

10 Most Bizarre People on Earth

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 18:45:02 GMT

clipped by: skwirlinator

Clip Source: www.oddee.com

10 Most Bizarre People on Earth

Ngoc: three decades without sleep

Bhagat: had his twin brother on his stomach

Yokoi: spent 28 years hidden after WWII

Mehran: lives at the Airport since 1988

Mitsuo: a japanese Jesus Christ

Bihari: most officially dead person

Icke: our salvation from Reptilian Humanoids

Bawden: the self-elected Pope Michael I, from Kansas

Nakamatsu: photographed and analyzed every meal for 34 years

Lotito: mister eat-it-all

Tags: 10, most bizarre, people on earth

Life and Death Masks

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 19:08:02 GMT

clipped by: JohnWaterman
clipper's remarks: Loads more at the site

Clip Source: libweb.princeton.edu

Life and Death Masks

A
Pictorial
Guide

Clip Source: libweb.princeton.edu

Coleridge, Samuel Taylor, 1772-1834
death mask

Cromwell, Oliver, 1599-1658
death mask

Clip Source: libweb.princeton.edu

Dean, James, 1931-1955
life mask

Disraeli, Benjamin, Earl of Beaconsfield, 1804-1881
death mask

Franklin, Benjamin, 1706-1790
life mask

Grant, Ulysses S., 1822-1885
death mask

Keats, John, 1795-1821
life mask

Clip Source: libweb.princeton.edu

Paine, Thomas, 1737-1809
death mask

Palmerston, Henry Jon Temple, Viscount, 1784-1865
original death mask

Robert I, King of Scots, 1274-1329
cast of skull

Pius IX, Pope, 1792-1878
death mask

Reinhardt, Max, 1873-1943
original death mask

Robespierre, Maximilien, 1758-1794
death mask

Rossetti, Dante Gabriel, 1828-1882
death mask

Scott, Walter, Sir, 1771-1832
death mask

Clip Source: libweb.princeton.edu

Lee, Robert E., 1807-1870
life mask

Lincoln, Abraham, 1809-1865
life mask

Marat, Jean Paul, 1743-1793
death mask

Mendelssohn, Felix, 1809-1847
death mask

Moore, Thomas, 1779-1852

Napoleon III, Emperor of the French, 1808-1873

Newton, Isaac, Sir, 1642-1727

Funny but Real Newspaper Headlines

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 19:41:39 GMT

clipped by: streamrdr

Clip Source: fun-with-words.com

EYE DROPS OFF SHELF
PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE
KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS
STOLEN PAINTING FOUND BY TREE
LUNG CANCER IN WOMEN MUSHROOMS
QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED
DEALERS WILL HEAR CAR TALK AT NOON
MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH
MILK DRINKERS ARE TURNING TO POWDER
DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE
JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT
COMPLAINTS ABOUT NBA REFEREES GROWING UGLY
PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER
POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS
12 ON THEIR WAY TO CRUISE AMONG DEAD IN PLANE CRASH
KILLER SENTENCED TO DIE FOR SECOND TIME IN 10 YEARS
SAFETY EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS SHOULD BE BELTED
2 SISTERS REUNITED AFTER 18 YEARS AT CHECKOUT COUNTER
MAN EATING PIRANHA MISTAKENLY SOLD AS PET FISH
ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT
QUARTER OF A MILLION CHINESE LIVE ON WATER
INCLUDE YOUR CHILDREN WHEN BAKING COOKIES
OLD SCHOOL PILLARS ARE REPLACED BY ALUMNI
GRANDMOTHER OF EIGHT MAKES HOLE IN ONE
HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS
LAWMEN FROM MEXICO BARBECUE GUESTS
TWO SOVIET SHIPS COLLIDE, ONE DIES
ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX
LACK OF BRAINS HINDERS RESEARCH
RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGE
SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM
IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS
HERSHEY BARS PROTEST

Tags: funny, headlines, newspaper

Child Abuse in Sickening Detail. Death a relief

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 11:45:13 GMT

clipped by: righthand
clipper's remarks: Having read the details of this horrific child abuse, which is beyond anything I've previously read, I'm left incapable of rational thought.

Recently there was a sex/cult event in Texas. In comparison with this it was a non-event. This has been kept hushed up. Why? Is it because of the involvement of a Haredi Orthodox Rabbi as the prime torturer? Recently another child abuser in Australia was given safe haven in Israel.

Is it opportune while the pope seeks forgiveness in the USA, that abuse of children that would put the Nazis to shame would see the light of day in the 'free and fair' USA media. Is there a word on this atrocity? What society allowed this to happen? This was no overnight phenomenon. What religion sees it as creed to torture children beyond what would be acceptable to the worst criminal or terrorist? How sick is the society?

Clip Source: www.israelenews.com

force-feeding toddlers drinks of alcohol and turpentine

Making them eat feces

Forcing them against electric heaters until their skin turned black then pouring alcohol on the wounds

Stuffing their mouths with skullcaps and taping them closed, and then zipping them into suitcases for days

Leaving stones on the Shabbat "blech"all day and then placing the stones on the tender skin of these babies

Police suspect that Chen's supporters also

doused the children in hot and cold water

and broke their bones with hammers and blows

The mother was charged with forcing the children to eat feces

beating them unconscious

and locking them up in a suitcase for three days

a four year old is in the hospital with irreversible brain damage from one of Chen's "hassidim", David Kugman

photo of hammers, knives, guns, turpentine, and heaters all of which - according to the newspaper -were used to torture small children allegedly at the behest of a so-called haredi Rabbi, Elior Chen

(see photo at http://tinyurl.com/598r78

Tags: children, abuse, rabbi, israel, court, torture, religion

Debaptism 2.0

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:26:24 GMT

clipped by: wildcat

Clip Source: www.wired.com

MILAN -- Disgruntled Italian Catholics are increasingly turning to the internet to leave the Church by getting "debaptized" -- but typically, the Pope isn't making the process web friendly.

Cyberspace is one of the few places lapsed Catholics can get a copy of the formal letter called "actus defectionis" that is required by Church officials to leave the faith.

One such letter, downloaded 30,000 times, is the main attraction at the Italian Union of Rationalists and Agnostics, or UAAR, website.

The 2,000-member group, which won a David-and-Goliath legal battle over debaptism in 2002, has no brick-and-mortar office. It relies on e-mail and the occasional phone call to keep things moving.

"We see a traffic spike every time the Pope says something unpopular," said UAAR site manager Raffaele Carcano, who is also a banker, adding that the site recently hit new heights during a recent fray over civil unions.

Tags: religion, baptism, debaptism, atheism, rationalists, agnostics