Clipmarks | wiccantexan's Humorous collection

Signs you're at a geek wedding

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 11:35:06 GMT

clipped by: coconutshell
clipper's remarks: Funny....though I'd take the binary ring instead of the Elvish one...

Clip Source: www.bbspot.com

11.

Guests throw USB drives instead of rice.

10.

Bride and groom's first dance as a married couple is to "White and Nerdy" by Weird Al.

Wedding rings are simple gold bands engraved in Elvish.

There are D&D Miniatures atop the cake.

Whoever catches the bouquet is the next to upgrade to Vista.

Groom comes down the aisle to the "Imperial March" from Star Wars.

Bride promises to raise the children on Macs instead of Windows.

Reception table centerpieces are crafted from Lego.

Bride uses Bluetooth headset for her "something blue."

Groomsmen dressed as Star Fleet officers.

Bride and groom answer "Next" instead of "I will" and "Finish" instead of "I do" during vows.

Tags: humour, humor, wedding, funny, geek

Oh Mama ! Hilarious Advertisment

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 15:48:06 GMT

clipped by: Rwinter

Clip Source: www.youtube.com

[Video]

Tags: funny, humor, advertising

SERIOUSLY...

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 05:17:51 GMT

clipped by: CrazyRedHead

Clip Source: img385.imageshack.us

Tags: humor

Courtroom Quotations

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 23:11:23 GMT

clipped by: Newfman

Clip Source: www.rinkworks.com

Lawyer: "Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?"

Witness: "No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."

Lawyer: "What is your marital status?"

Witness: "Fair."

Lawyer: "Are you married?"

Witness: "No, I'm divorced."

Lawyer: "And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"

Witness: "A lot of things I didn't know about."

Lawyer: "How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?"

Witness: "Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney and said he was really good."

Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"

Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."

Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"

Witness: "Yes sir."

Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"

The Court: "Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any."

Lawyer: "Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?"

Tags: funny

Miracle of the Pink Shroud

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 01:06:39 GMT

clipped by: CrazyRedHead

Clip Source: newsbiscuit.com

Turin shroud dyed pink in washing machine bungle

The Turin Shroud, believed by many to be the last veil of Jesus Christ, has been accidentally thrown in a washing machine by a contract cleaner at the Cathedral of Saint John the Baptist in Turin. Worse news was to follow when the sacred relic was discovered to have been died pink by an errant red T-shirt.

The mistake was noticed half way through the economy spin cycle after a cardinal raised the alarm that the shroud had gone missing.
‘I just couldn’t believe it” said cleaner Rosa-Maria Delarosa. ‘The bishop himself came running in and asked where the shroud was. You should have seen their faces when I explained. It was like something you see in one of those prank shows. I half expected a TV crew to pop out any minute. Sadly they didn’t.’

Rosa, who is two months into a three month contract which she still hopes will be renewed, explained how the mix up happened. ‘I just thought it looked so dirty that I put it in the wash with the priest’s vestments and everything else. I thought it was just an old rag, it was so smelly.’ Without realising it, Rosa may have also opened a new debate on the authenticity of the shroud. ‘I pretty much followed the washing instructions on the label. I did add some fabric conditioner, so on the plus side it feels much softer now.’

The Vatican was forced to admit the error after a gay Christian group had claimed that the ‘miracle of the pink shroud’ was proof that God was tolerant and welcoming to gays. However, a Vatican spokesman said they would rather admit the shroud is a fake than change their stance on homosexuality, adding ‘Look the shroud also shrunk; are you saying that Jesus was a dwarf too?’

Vatican spin doctors have since been battling to contradict the damaging headlines in the Italian tabloids. One cardinal was seen shouting into his mobile phone; ‘No, the Pope did not say ‘Jesus ‘was gay dwarf.’

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Posted: 1 February 2007 by Team Biscuit

Tags: humour, humor

Guidelines for Cats

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 06:36:18 GMT

clipped by: 2muchInfo

Clip Source: www.jamesshuggins.com

Doors:
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

Chairs and Rugs:
If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

Bathrooms:
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything . . . just sit and stare.

Hampering:
If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering":

When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

Walking:
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

Bedtime:
Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move around.

Tags: cats, humor, reality, choices, felines

Grammar Rules for the Unenlightened

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 14:43:24 GMT

clipped by: CrazyRedHead

Clip Source: garnet.acns.fsu.edu

Grammar Rules for the Unenlightened; Or, How to Write Good

Don't use no double negatives. Don't never use no triple negatives.

Stamp out and eliminate redundancy.

Avoid cliches like the plague.

Avoid those run-on sentences that just go on, and on, and on, they never stop, they just keep rambling, and you really wish the person would just shut up, but no, they just keep going, they're worse than the Energizer Bunny, they babble incessantly, and these sentences, they just never stop, they go on forever...if you get my drift...

Never go off on tangents, which are lines that intersect a curve at only one point and were discovered by Euclid, who lived in the sixth century, which was an era dominated by the Goths, who lived in what we now know as Poland...

Excessive use of exclamation points can be disastrous!!!!!

Keep your ear to the grindstone, your nose to the ground, take the bull by the horns of a dilemma, and stop mixing your metaphors.

Avoid those abysmally horrible, outrageously repellent exaggerations.

Tags: humor

Unusual Billboard Signs

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 06:27:42 GMT

clipped by: Darth_Cookies

Clip Source: www.kingsolomon.com

Unusual Billboard Signs

Tags: signs