Clipmarks | tabsey's 'humour' clips

Origin of the Novel Species Noodleous doubleous: Evidence for Intelligent Design

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 13:17:41 GMT

clipped by: tabsey
clipper's remarks: Hard to clip but worth a look. Great humour

Abstract

Penne Rigate will spontaneously insert itself into Rigatoni (order pasta) under liquid to gas transition conditions of H₂O to create the previously unobserved species Noodleous doubleous. The estimated probability of this spontaneous generation event is too low to be explained by thermodynamics and therefore apparently represents intelligent design.

Introduction

It has been claimed by Intelligent Design advocates^* that patterns observed in nature with a sufficiently low probability provide direct evidence for intelligent design, i.e., God. Here I report evidence for the spontaneous formation of a new life form in a prebiotic pasta soup.

Materials and Methods

Tags: humour

APPLE TO FOOL PUBLIC FOR 207th TIME

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 14:49:30 GMT

clipped by: tabsey
clipper's remarks: Daily Mash

Clip Source: www.thedailymash.co.uk

APPLE boss Steve Jobs last night unveiled the new iPhone, insisting there was 'no way' he would launch a better and cheaper version in three months time.

Whatever next?
Jobs said the latest 3G iPhone could never be improved on, and definitely not this year, just before Christmas.

He added: "This is the final version. It’s got everything on it, including a little apple symbol, so there's no way a better one will be in the shops by Thanksgiving at the latest for $100 less.

"Listen: the chances of an October launch of a 4G iPhone with double the storage, a better camera, and a keyboard you can actually use, at half the cost of this one are nil. Seriously.

"So if you want one, go out and buy one tomorrow, because we’ve only got a hundred, and when these run out, we’re not making any more."

Wayne Hayes, editor of Core! magazine, said he had ordered his phone already as there was no chance Jobs was holding back information on upgrades or price cuts.

Tags: humour

STARS GATHER TO SHOW HOW WORTHLESS THEY ARE COMPARED TO NELSON MANDELA

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 10:28:46 GMT

clipped by: tabsey
clipper's remarks: Daily Mash offering. hehehe

Clip Source: www.thedailymash.co.uk

SOME of the biggest names in showbiz have come together in London to prove how shabby and pointless they are compared to Nelson Mandela.

Lennox and Geldof are each other's heroes
Stars including Emma Thompson, Gordon Ramsay and the Sugababes shared the red carpet to speak about how happy they were that Mandela had not been beaten to death during his 30 years in a South African prison.

Thompson, an actress, said: "Nelson's sacrifice is a constant inspiration to me when I'm being paid £5 million for dressing up and pretending to be someone else."

She added: "I'm sorry, I have to go, I've just spotted Bobby, Pierce and Will sharing a joke with Uma and Elton."

Former US president Bill Clinton said: "I would often think about Nelson Mandela's years of incarceration and his efforts to unite a country so filled with hatred and mistrust when I was shoving cigars into plump young women."

He added: "I'm sorry, I have to go and ask Cherie Blair how much money she's made this year."

Tags: humour

Ha!

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:20:34 GMT

clipped by: tabsey
clipper's remarks: Humour, but not for Trog.

Clip Source: www.dailygalaxy.com

Tags: humour

SWITZERLAND TO BE DEVOURED BY BLACK HOLE

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:37:51 GMT

clipped by: tabsey
clipper's remarks: Daily Mash - humour

Clip Source: www.thedailymash.co.uk

The Large Hadron Collider
Mini-black holes created in the giant underground Large Hadron Collider in Geneva will devour the landlocked alpine country almost instantly after the machine is switched on later this summer.

However, scientists said the rest of earth would escape unharmed, although a small part of south-east France up to Grenoble could also disappear in the worse-case scenario.

Physicist Dr Wayne Hayes said: "This huge and dangerous machine will recreate the exact circumstances that caused the Big Bang. Switzerland just seemed the ideal place for it.

"We were going to bury it under Vanuatu in the south pacific but then we went there, amazing beaches, and the women, out of this world. So we just run it from here.

"After we turn it on you may hear a slight pop followed by some not unpleasant vibrations, unless you are in Switzerland, in which case be sure you are wearing clean underwear."

Tags: humour, but, good

Same mistakes - Humour?

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 16:21:07 GMT

clipped by: tabsey
clipper's remarks: Fatherly advice.

Clip Source: www.funny-city.com

Tags: humour?

FOOT COLLECTORS FLOCK TO CANADA SHORELINE

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 14:24:26 GMT

clipped by: tabsey
clipper's remarks: The Daily Mash

Clip Source: www.thedailymash.co.uk

The Great Foot Rush of '96
Not since the 1890s have so many feet been washed ashore in the Pacific north west and now speculators are cashing in on the disembodied foot bonanza.

Sitting among more than a dozen bin liners filled with feet, Wayne Hayes from Oregon, said: "It's not just the quantity, it's the quality. I'll get at least $30 for some of these feet."

He added: "For the first time in a decade, I've got a real chance of finding a matching pair."

Tom Logan, who travelled 2500 miles from Kentucky to stake his claim, said: "Look at that bastard Hayes, sittin' there thinking he's the King o' Feet.

"What he don't know is I gots me a real nice foot in a bright red slingback that still got its ankle bracelet. Hee hee hee."

Fortunes were built on the great Canadian Foot Rush of 1896, when brave, desperate men would battle their way across the Rocky Mountains to grab as many feet as they could from the wild Pacific shoreline.

Tags: humour, eases, stress

RANGERS VIOLENCE BEGAN IN LATE 17TH CENTURY, SAYS UEFA

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 15:50:49 GMT

clipped by: tabsey
clipper's remarks: An offering from the Daily Mash

Clip Source: www.thedailymash.co.uk

RANGERS VIOLENCE BEGAN IN LATE 17TH CENTURY, SAYS UEFA

Sport - Sport Headlines

Uefa said the ring-leaders included King William of Orange and his horse

THE violence at the Uefa Cup final began much earlier than was thought, probably in the late 17th century, officials said last night.

A Uefa investigation has revealed last month's violent scenes in Manchester were directly related to tensions arising from the Battle of the Boyne, which took place near the east coast of Ireland in 1690.

It is now believed the conflict was sparked not by a faulty big-screen television, but by a series of marginal differences over the correct method of worshipping Jesus.

Uefa said the violence then continued on and off for another 180 years until it was formalised with the establishment of Rangers Football Club in 1872.

A couple of offerings from a Hummer site.

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 15:06:29 GMT

clipped by: tabsey
clipper's remarks: Humour

Clip Source: hummerdinger.com

CRAWFORD, TX— President Bush announced today that he will be making sweeping additions to the so-called "Hummer Tax Loophole," enabling many purchasers of obsolete technologies such as butter churns and Betamax VCRs to claim substantial deductions on their tax returns. "One thing we know about technology, it's behind us," the President said. "Which is why our freedom depends on tax relief and democracy." Analysts are still trying to figure out what the hell he meant.

I'LL BE JUST FINE, SAYS PLANET

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 13:38:46 GMT

clipped by: tabsey
clipper's remarks: From The Daily Mash.
The planet said environmental campaigners should change their slogan from 'Save the Planet' to something more relevant such as 'Save Your Sorry Arse'.

Clip Source: www.thedailymash.co.uk

THE planet Earth has dismissed claims it is in danger from global warming, stressing the worst that could happen is the extinction of the human race.

'If you don't mind, I've got some orbiting to do'
The Earth spoke out after a series of books, television programmes and environmental campaigns urged people to do everything in their power to 'Save the Planet'.

Earth, 4,000,000,000, said last night: "I'll be absolutely fine, seriously. I might get a bit warmer and a bit wetter, but to be honest, that actually sounds quite nice.

"Try living through an ice age. Pardon my French, but it's absolutely fucking freezing."

The planet, based 93 million miles from the Sun, said it was 'sick and tired' of being drawn into arguments about human behaviour.

"Look, I'm just a planet doing its thing, alright? If you want to live on me, that's your business, but I've got important planet stuff to do, okay?

Tags: humour

Unusual Bathroom Signs

Tue, 06 May 2008 16:29:32 GMT

clipped by: tabsey
clipper's remarks: Some very funny pictures

Clip Source: www.offbeatearth.com

Tags: humour

Legs, pygmies and cheese top British odd book poll

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 09:46:20 GMT

clipped by: tabsey
clipper's remarks: Bit of a giggle at nothing.

Clip Source: www.abc.net.au

According to a new poll, the oddest book title of the year in Britain was If You Want Closure In Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs.

The book - described as a "self-help manual written by a man for the benefit of women" - pipped I Was Tortured By The Pygmy Love Queen, which came in second, followed by Cheese Problems Solved in the poll for Bookseller magazine.

"The winner ... makes redundant an entire genre of self-help tomes. So effective is the title that you don't even need to read the book itself," said Joel Rickett, deputy editor of the publishing industry weekly.

The Bookseller's diarist Horace Bent, who organises the awards, questioned his bosses' decision a few years ago to change the way the winner is selected - from a decision by him to an online poll, which this year drew 8,500 votes.

"The public: you just can't trust them," he said.

Tags: humour

Ancient Humor: Raunch, Riddles and Religion

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 06:29:26 GMT

clipped by: tabsey
clipper's remarks: Could only clip the intro. Worth a read to see that our ancestors did have and share wit.

Clip Source: dsc.discovery.com

March 25, 2008 -- In the ancient Greek poem "The Odyssey," the story's hero, Odysseus, tells the Cyclops that his name is "Nobody." When Odysseus instructs his men to drive a fiery iron spit into the monster's single eye, the Cyclops yells out in vain, "Friends, Nobody is killing me now," so no one comes to help.

This action-adventure humor, dating to around 800 B.C., is one of the first recorded jokes, according to the classics scholar Owen Ewald, who recently presented his findings on "Humor in the Ancient World" at Seattle Pacific University.

The world's first one-liners, however, were likely delivered tens of thousands of years before Homer, author of "The Odyssey," was born.

The Earliest Evidence for Humor

Tags: ancient, humour

Tinfoil Hats, Anal Probes Land at Alien Abduction Fest

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 05:10:02 GMT

clipped by: tabsey
clipper's remarks: I trust those who have been abducted still have their senses of humour.

Clip Source: www.wired.com

Alien anal-probing "expert" Courtney Arthur, manager of sex shop Come as You Are, shows off the Bendy Beads anal "probe" for Probology 101, one of the events during the Alien Abduction Festival. The informational sessions covered the ins and outs of favored alien probes and what to expect when on the receiving end of such devices.

TORONTO -- Cross sci-fi with crafting and you've got the Alien Abduction Festival, an event built around tinfoil hats, UFOs and the infamous anal probe purportedly conducted by curious extraterrestrials.

The festival, organized by Kris Schantz of custom toy shop Happy Worker, took place March 20 at comic book stores, bookstores and sex-toy shops on Toronto's hip Queen Street West. Attractions included an alien birthing room, tinfoil-hat tailoring, a spaceship factory and informative sessions in Probology 101. There was even a discussion group on how to talk to aliens, led by York University anthropologist Kathryn Denning at Waq-n-Raq restaurant.

Tags: humour

Immigrants - bit of a laugh

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 15:14:30 GMT

clipped by: tabsey

Clip Source: www.caglecartoons.com

Tags: humour