Clipmarks | tabsey's 'humour' clips

Unbelievable Graphic Art Picture

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 06:54:25 GMT

clipped by: rko2007
clipper's remarks: Look closely, they're amazing!

Unbelievable graphic art pictures by Rob Gonsalves

One of these pictures was found at blogs and takes me to deep stupor. Extremely imressive retouch technique, amazing effect of visual illusions, perfect pictures quality engaged me to search and find all what i can find from this author. 37 pictures below!

P.S. Look with good doze attention, thats not cheap humour and worth of your attention. Comments are appreciated.

Unbelievable graphic art pictures by Rob Gonsalves

P.S. Look with good doze attention, thats not cheap humour and worth of your attention. Comments are appreciated.

Tags: graphic, art, pictures

Top 10 Worst Company URL's

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 22:39:01 GMT

clipped by: Wolveseatdogs
clipper's remarks: LMAO

Clip Source: www.nextwebgen.com

Top 10 Worst Company URLs

Filed under: Wacky Web — Admin at 3:09 pm on Wednesday, August 2, 2006

The top 10 unintentionally worst company URL
Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today’s
world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name
selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do
this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies
who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn’t give
their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called ‘Who Represents’ where you can find the name of the agent
that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South
Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their
whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com

Share and Enjoy:These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.

Tags: humour, internet, web, url

The Philosophy of Sex

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 09:42:40 GMT

clipped by: coconutshell
clipper's remarks: A few of these have already been clipped...no pun intended.

Clip Source: moronland.net

The Philosophy of Sex

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
--Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Rodney Dangerfield

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other e eight are unimportant."
--George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
--Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
--Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
--Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams

Tags: humour, battle of the sexes, funny, sex, men, women

These Signs Are Hilarious

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 20:31:54 GMT

clipped by: zlaw777

Clip Source: www.nirvani.net

The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov/. It's another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.

The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations.

If you have set yourself on fire, do not run

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder

If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.

Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the fuck away.

Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.

Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued.

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile

After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.

-- If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.

Do not drive a stations wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.

Tags: bizarre, bizzare, humour, humor, picture, pictures, photo, pic, pics

Email from my wife while I was away

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 23:13:13 GMT

clipped by: rocker
clipper's remarks: So sad yet so funny.

Clip Source: outkasthalo.proboards47.com

email from my wife while I was away

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from shopping, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I have attached a picture for you so you can see that it's not too bad.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.
XXX

P.S. Your girlfriend called for you.

Tags: humour, car, ferrari, pick-up truck, garage

Classic things to say when stressed

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 00:33:46 GMT

clipped by: lauriecorona

Clip Source: humour.200ok.com.au

Classic things to say when stressed

"Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you!!!"
"You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing?!"
"How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"
"Well this day was a total waste of make-up"
"Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"
"Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."
"Do I look like a fucking people person!"
"This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting"
"I started out with nothing still have most of it left"
"I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me"
"YOU!!... off my planet!!!"
"Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose"
"Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control"
"Errors have been made. Others will be blamed"
"And your cry-baby, whiny-assed opinion would be.....?"
"I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years."
"Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."
"Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed"
"Do they ever shut up on your planet?"
"I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"
"Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet"
"Back off!! You're standing in my aura."
"Don't worry. I forgot your name too."
"I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?"
"I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."
"Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it."
"Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."
"Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality"
"Chaos, panic and disorder . . . my work here is done."
"Ambivalent? Well yes and no."
"You look like shit. Is that the style now?"
"Earth is full. Go home."
"Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"
"I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."
"A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."
"You are depriving some village of an idiot."
"If as sholes could fly, this place would be an airport."

Tags: humour, work humor

Socrates and the Test of Three

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 17:32:51 GMT

clipped by: gingembre
clipper's remarks:

Clip Source: www.radiowavex.com

Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you either hear or are about to repeat a rumor.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."

"Three?"

"That's right," Socrates continued "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my stu dent going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and left, ashamed.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was banging his wife.

Tags: rumors, socrates, advice, humour, humor, philosophy

Incredibly Funny Help Desk Cartoons

Wed, 30 May 2007 20:05:52 GMT

clipped by: sohil

Clip Source: haddadusa.com

Tags: funny, fun, humor, humour, cartoon, computer, help, email, cartoons, computers

10 Reasons Not to Drink

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 07:06:18 GMT

clipped by: skwirlinator

Clip Source: www.manbottle.com

10 Reasons Not to Drink

Tags: drinking, funny, humour, joke

So you thought you knew everything

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 17:33:51 GMT

clipped by: janeg

Clip Source: www.johnsimonds.com

“Stewardesses” is the longest word typed with only the left hand and “lollipop” with your right. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn’t you?)

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

“Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”. (Are you doubting this?)

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You’re not doubting this, are you?)

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: “abstemious” and “facetious.”(Yes, admit it, you are going to say . a e i o u)

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.(All you typists are going to test this out)

A “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A snail can sleep for three years.(I know some people that could do this too.)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon

If the population of Chinawalked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!

The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.(Good thing he did that)

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Fallsfroze completely solid.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Now you know everthing you need to know.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

Tags: humour

Phone Menu of a Mental Hospital..

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 11:35:05 GMT

clipped by: tron2007

Clip Source: masalajokes.blogspot.com

Hello and thank you for calling The state Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on
the

line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the

MotherShip.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell

you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,

nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before
the

beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term

memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

Tags: humor, humour, general, funny, joke, jokes, sex

George Bush Question time with Kids

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 08:31:39 GMT

clipped by: Deepti

Clip Source: www.avalon5.com

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name. “Stanley,” responds the little boy. “And what is your question, Stanley?” asks ol’ Dubya.

“I have 4 questions” the kid responds.

“First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?”
“Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?”
“Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?”
“Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don’t have health insurance?”

Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, “OK, where were we? Oh, that’s right question time. Who has a question?”

Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name. “Steve” the kid responds. “And what is your question, Steve?” el presidente asks.

“Actually, I have 6 questions” the kid responds.

“First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?”
“Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?”
“Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?”
“Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don’t have health insurance?”
“Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?”
“And sixth, what happened to Stanley?”

Tags: bush, w, george bush, dubya, humour, funny, humor

Funny Exam answers by students

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 10:25:21 GMT

clipped by: thefoxalmighty
clipper's remarks: ha ha... This makes me laugh whenever i see this..
Especially the 1st one and the Hangman thing... Really cute..

Clip Source: www.jimmyr.com

Tags: humour, students

9 Telltale Signs You're Probably an Asshole

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 11:47:49 GMT

clipped by: tabsey
clipper's remarks: Takes all kinds!

Clip Source: www.themishmash.com

1. You wildly overstate your case.

2. You act as if the rules don't apply to you.

3. You preemptively tell others to fuck off.

4. This is your idea of holiday cheer:

5. You really believe it's that simple.

6. Rather than the pedestrian 'Beware of Dog' sign you instead opt for this:

7. You have a five year old do your dirty work.

8. You think you have all the answers.

9. One obnoxious purchase is not enough.

Tags: humour

Best toilet ever

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 08:03:01 GMT

clipped by: mini_clips
clipper's remarks: hahaahaha

go to the website to vote

Clip Source: www.voltier.com

Best. Toilet. Ever.

Here is a picture of a Public Toilet in Houston, TX.
There is more to this toilet than meets the eye.

Here is a picture of that same toilet from the inside.

Would You Sit?

Tags: humor, humour, entertainment, toilet