Clipmarks | rmowery's 'funny' clips

Top 5 Things to Do When a Telemarketer Calls

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 22:01:28 GMT

clipped by: rmowery

Top 5 Things to Do When a Telemarketer Calls

Thursday, June 01 2006 @ 09:52 AM EDT
Contributed by: Admin
Views: 5623

5. Say you are hard of hearing and see how loud they will shout into the phone.

4. Keep repeating, "I knew you were going to say that".

3. Allow the telemarketer to fully explain his offer. When he is finished explain that his company hired you to randomly spot check telemarketers on their performance. Tell him that he did a good job overall, but that he is a bit monotone and needs to fluctuate his tone of voice more to sound convincing. He also should pause longer between sentences, and more clearly pronounce the letter 's'. Tell him you won’t report him if he repeats his speech to you with the appropriate corrections. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

2. Every few minutes repeat, "You’re going to have to bear with me, I have a slight short term memory loss problem, who is this again?"

1. Mid pitch, stop him and complement him on his wonderful voice. Explain that you are a voiceover scout and might have a breakthrough commercial job for him. Ask if he wouldn’t mind doing a quick test. Ask him to say in a deep husky voice "May cause dizziness, diarrhea, vomiting and shortness of breath. A small number of participants in a recent clinical trial experienced weight loss, irregular clotting, abnormally frequent and/or painful urination and hair loss. Results may vary"

Tags: funny, telemarketers, calling, cold calling, response

IF YOUR DAD IS A CHEMISTRY PROFESSOR, ASKING “WHY” CAN BE DANGEROUS

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 02:38:43 GMT

clipped by: rmowery

Clip Source: www.scq.ubc.ca

A DIALOGUE WITH SARAH, AGED 3: IN WHICH IT IS SHOWN THAT IF YOUR DAD IS A CHEMISTRY PROFESSOR, ASKING “WHY” CAN BE DANGEROUS

By Stephen McNeil

DAD: Why do I use soap?

SARAH: Why?

DAD: Because the water washes the dirt away when I use soap.

SARAH: Yes.

DAD: Why does the shower get me clean?

SARAH: Why?

DAD: I was dirty. The shower gets me clean.

SARAH: Why?

DAD: Yes, I was in the shower.

SARAH: Daddy, were you in the shower?

- FROM THE ARCHIVES -

Tags: funny, entertainment, why, chemistry professor, kids

Borat's Press Conference on Kazakhstan National Television

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 19:48:41 GMT

clipped by: rmowery
clipper's remarks: LMAO

Clip Source: www.youtube.com

Borat's Press Conference on Kazakhstan National Television

to boratforpresident

Added October 20, 2006
From boratforpresident

Borat Sagdiyev's press conference in Was Borat Sagdiyev's press conference in Washington, DC where Borat talks about his thoughts on improving the United States of America. This press conference was shown live on Kazakhstan National Television. ... (more) (less)

Category Comedy

Tags: borat, entertainment, funny, kazakhstan

Extreme Drive Thru at McDonalds

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 06:49:38 GMT

clipped by: rmowery

Clip Source: video.google.com

Extreme Drive Thru at McDonalds

Avg: 76 ratings

249	views »
242	yesterday «

2 min 59 sec - Oct 8, 2006

Browse: mcdonalds, hilarious, drive thru

Add label - Mark label as Spam

Done

this is one the most spontaneously hilarious things ive ever done. just watch it and laugh. and tell all your friends about it.

Tags: mcdonalds, entertainment, funny

Boy, three, buys car on internet

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 01:47:08 GMT

clipped by: rmowery

Clip Source: news.bbc.co.uk

Boy, three, buys car on internet

A three-year-old boy has used his mother's computer to buy a £9,000 car on an internet auction site.

Jack Neal's parents only discovered their son's successful bid when they received a message from eBay about the Barbie pink Nissan Figaro.

Rachael Neal, 36, said her son was quite good at using the computer.

Mrs Neal, of Sleaford, Lincolnshire, said she had left her eBay password in her computer and her son had used the "buy it now" button.

Tags: boy, three year old, car buying, ebay, internet, funny

Yale Shmale and George Bush

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 07:37:09 GMT

clipped by: rmowery

Clip Source: news.bbc.co.uk

Canada university in campaign row

A small Canadian university has sparked controversy with its recruitment drive by using posters and a website mocking US President George W Bush.

Lakehead University in northern Ontario set up www.yaleshmale.com in a bid to attract potential new students.

It shows a picture of Yale graduate Mr Bush with the caption: "Graduating from an Ivy League university doesn't necessarily mean you're smart."

Tags: bush, canada, ivy campaign, politics, university recruiting, funny

Spring Break Mishap

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 19:31:06 GMT

clipped by: rmowery

Clip Source: video.google.com

Spring Break Mishap

funnyjunk.com
52 sec - Jun 4, 2006
www.funnyjunk.com

Spring Break Mishap http://www.funnyjunk.com/

Tags: funny, entertainment

Waitress checks customer's ID, discovers self

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 06:23:13 GMT

clipped by: rmowery

Clip Source: www.cnn.com

Waitress checks customer's ID, discovers self

WESTLAKE, Ohio (AP) -- A bar waitress checking to see if a customer was legally old enough to drink looked down to see a familiar photo.

Tuesday, August 1, 2006; Posted: 1:46 p.m. EDT (17:46 GMT)

It was her own.

The 22-year-old waitress, whose name was not released, called police last week and said she had been handed her own stolen driver's license by a woman trying to prove she was 21.

Tags: amazing story, funny, offbeat

Dog-cooking, tree-taking school-burner may lose job

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 16:08:15 GMT

clipped by: rmowery

Clip Source: go.reuters.com

Dog-cooking, tree-taking school-burner may lose job

Fri Jul 21, 2006 08:37 AM ET

Printer Friendly | Email Article | Reprints | RSS

Top News
	Israel warns Lebanese to flee
	Thousands more flee Lebanon
	US says still searching for Mideast peace plan

BEIJING (Reuters) - A Chinese headmaster, who tried to buy off colleagues by cooking dog meat for them after secretly selling off trees around the school, ended up setting fire to classrooms when the meal burst into flames, a Chinese newspaper said Friday.

Ten classrooms containing televisions, computers, printers and textbooks burned down, leaving nearly 100 children unable to go to school, the Beijing Youth Daily said.

The headmaster, in the northeastern province of Heilongjiang, sold off a 1,000-tree arboretum surrounding the school on the sly, the newspaper said.

"In order to get the teachers not to tell anyone what he had done, on the afternoon of May 16, headmaster Meng got friends to obtain two dogs, which they proceeded to kill on the school grounds," the report said.

"He then told the teachers they would have dog meat to eat that afternoon," it added.

But the plan went awry when the dog being cooked burst into flames and set fire to the school's main office and then the classrooms.

The local education bureau fined the headmaster 10,000 yuan ($1,252) and suggested he be fired, the newspaper said.

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	Team plans cemetery for die-hard fans

Tags: dog meat, dog cooking, china, funny

Fortune-telling judge couldn't see it coming

Wed, 03 May 2006 20:00:03 GMT

clipped by: rmowery

Clip Source: today.reuters.com

Fortune-telling judge couldn't see it coming

Wed May 3, 2006 9:10am ET

Oddly Enough News

Charity exec who stole to pay dominatrix gets jail

Rome tourist parched after $1,200 beer

Study: US mothers deserve $134,121 in salary

VIDEO: World's most expensive sandwich

More Oddly Enough News...

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MANILA (Reuters) - A Philippine judge who claimed he could see into the future and admitted consulting imaginary mystic dwarfs has asked for his job back after being fired by the country's Supreme Court.

"They should not have dismissed me for what I believed," Florentino Floro, a trial judge in the capital's Malabon northern suburb, told reporters after filing his appeal.

Floro was sacked last month and fined 40,000 pesos ($780) after a three-year investigation found he was incompetent, had shown bias in a case he was trying and had criticized court procedure, a ruling showed.

He told investigators that three mystic dwarfs -- Armand, Luis and Angel -- helped him carry out healing sessions during breaks in his chambers.

The Supreme Court said it was not within its expertise to conclude that Floro was insane, but agreed with the court clinic's finding that he was suffering from psychosis.

ALSO ON REUTERS

1,200 pound man seeks life-saving surgery

Florida Keys residents flee as hurricane season looms

Study says US mothers deserve $134,121 in salary

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Tags: judge, phillipine, international law, fortune-telling, funny

Laughing babies video

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 22:37:14 GMT

clipped by: bignosemousie
clipper's remarks: Go to the source to see the laughing babies. It's the anti-dote to that baby hating statue.

Clip Source: 202online.com

Laughing Babies

Tags: video, funny, babies, laughter

Penis pump judge faces stiff sentence

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 14:19:27 GMT

clipped by: rmowery

Clip Source: www.theregister.co.uk

Penis pump judge faces stiff sentence

Used device 'while sitting in judgment of others', court hears

By Lester Haines

A retired US judge is himself before the beak in Bristow, Oklahoma, "on charges he used a penis pump on himself in the courtroom while sitting in judgment of others", AP reports.

The trial of Donald D Thompson, 59, has reportedly provoked much courtroom merriment as the jury has been entertained by both a defence attorney and prosecutor indulging in "pantomime masturbation" and a former juror in Thompson's court identifying the sound of the pump because "he had seen such devices in Austin Powers and Dead Man on Campus".

A key witness in the trial has been former court reporter Lisa Foster. In giving testimony, she "wiped away tears as she described tracing an unfamiliar 'sh-sh' in the courtroom to her boss". Foster alleges that between 2001 and 2003 she saw the judge expose himself "at least 15 times", adding: "I was really shocked and I was kind of scared because it was so bizarre."

Foster further testified that during a 2002 trial, she heard the pump "during the emotional testimony of a murdered toddler's grandfather". She continued: "The grandfather was getting real teary-eyed, and the judge was up there pumping on that pump. It was sickening."

Tags: federal judge, penis pump, judge on trial, sex, foster, funny, sicko, whacky judge

Quote of the Day

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 19:24:10 GMT

clipped by: rmowery

Clip Source: www.google.com

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
- Dorothy Parker

Quote of the Day

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- Steven Wright

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
- Joseph Stalin

Tags: quotes, funny

Caught On Tape: Woman Loses Shirt During Robbery

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 02:44:36 GMT

clipped by: rmowery

Clip Source: www.wjactv.com

Caught On Tape: Woman Loses Shirt During Robbery

Clerk Grabs Woman Who Jumps Over Counter

KANSAS CITY, Kan. -- A woman tried to steal cash from a Kansas City convenience store, but she ended up losing her shirt -- and it was caught on tape, KMBC-TV in Kansas City reported.

Last week's attempted robbery at Kaw Drive and Kansas Avenue was caught on surveillance video. It showed a woman walking into the store at about 1:30 a.m. and grabbing a can of soda. She headed to the counter, then jumped over the counter toward the open cash register.

However, the would-be thief was foiled when store clerk Omar Takow grabbed the woman's shirt. The topless woman stole $3 and fled, but she left her shirt behind.

"I was surprised because I wasn't waiting for a woman, I was waiting for a man, and the thing made me a little confused," Takow said.

Takow has foiled thieves before. In February, he made the news when he chased a would-be robber from the store with a golf club.

He said he's not thrilled with all the publicity, but he's not afraid to stand up for what's right.

"They can come and try it, but they will see that they will get what they deserve," Takow said.

"And the woman got what she deserved?" a KMBC reporter asked.

"Yeah, she deserved it," Takow said.

He said he got the stolen $3 back when the woman returned to get her shirt. She had two guys waiting for her in a car outside. They all got away, but without the cash.

Distributed by Internet Broadcasting. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Tags: funny, society, female robber loses shirt

Who's never been tempted to do this?

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 18:59:16 GMT

clipped by: rmowery

Clip Source: today.reuters.com

Who's never been tempted to do this?

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[-] Text [+]

BELGRADE (Reuters) - A Serb man set his car on fire when he heard how much he had to pay to reclaim it after it was towed away for illegal parking.

An attendant told the daily Press the man was very calm.

"He went to his car, took a few things then opened the hood and set the engine on fire. When it was well ablaze he got back on his bike and rode off."