Clipmarks | reimers's 'baseball' clips

Fifty Mistakes Men Make When Having Sex

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 12:30:25 GMT

clipped by: Scattered_Fusion
clipper's remarks: Well here's 5. Check the site for the rest.

1 Going straight for the naughty bits

You've got to be sensitive to the fact that a woman is more likely to be irritated than aroused when a man dives for her breasts and vulva after a few minutes' perfunctory kissing. While you might get to feel the goods, you're not going to be invited back.

2 Not knowing how to kiss sensitively

Passionate or sensitive, firm or gentle, good kissing is an art form which lubricates the wheels of sex and gets everyone in the mood for more intimacy. Learn how to kiss, and do it well. That doesn't mean sticking your tongue in her mouth and wiggling it around like you're trying to floss her teeth.

3 Being too rough when you touch her erogenous zones

Men like a firmer touch than women, especially when it comes to our penises. So if you touch her clitoris with as much force as you apply to your penis when you masturbate, she's most likely to howl with pain - and then kick you out of bed. Remember: the clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis, in a much smaller area. Treat it with respect. It's the only organ in the human body that has no function other than to provide pleasure.

4 Not stroking and caressing her

A woman's second biggest sex organ is her skin. (The first is her mind.) You can make your touch on any part of her body into a sexy caress, but you have to focus on what you're doing and put some sexual energy into your fingers while you caress her. That means not thinking about the baseball game while you're giving her a sensuous massage.

5 Locking onto her nipples like a suckling child

Yes, we know it's fun for you. To her it just feels like she's got a teething infant hanging off her breast. Lick and kiss around her whole breast before you go for the nipple, then flick your tongue gently across the nipple and around the areolae. If she likes what you're doing, you'll know by her moans of pleasure.

Tags: sex, mistakes, men, woman, entertainment, education, true

The 10 Greatest Books of All Time

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 17:32:40 GMT

clipped by: haraya
clipper's remarks:

Each individual top 10 list is like its own steeplechase through the international canon.

List at the end of the clip, though I find Lev Grossman's intro more interesting.

Clip Source: www.time.com

Let's not mince words: literary lists are basically an obscenity. Literature is the realm of the ineffable and the unquantifiable; lists are the realm of menus and laundry and rotisserie baseball. There's something unseemly and promiscuous about all those letters and numbers jumbled together. Take it from me, a critic who has committed this particular sin many times over.

But what if—just for argument's sake—you got insanely rigorous about it. You went to all the big-name authors in the world—Franzen, Mailer, Wallace, Wolfe, Chabon, Lethem, King, 125 of them— and got each one to cough up a top-10 list of the greatest books of all time. We're talking ultimate-fighting-style here: fiction, non-fiction, poetry, modern, ancient, everything's fair game except eye-gouging and fish-hooking. Then you printed and collated all the lists, crunched the numbers together, and used them to create a definitive all-time Top Top 10 list.

Yes, it would probably still be an obscenity. But it would be a pretty interesting obscenity. And that's what we have in J. Peder Zane's The Top 10 (Norton; 352 pages).

There are several lifetimes' worth of promising literary leads here—544 books in all. An 85-page appendix providing enlightened summaries of all the works mentioned is worth the price of admission all on its own. But to get you started, here, in all its glory, is the all-time, ultimate Top Top 10 list, derived from the top 10 lists of 125 of the world's most celebrated writers combined. Read it and— well, just read it.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Hamlet by William Shakespeare
The Great Gatsby F. Scott Fitzgerald
In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust
The Stories of Anton Chekhov by Anton Chekhov
Middlemarch by George Eliot

Tags: literature, books, list, entertainment, canon, reading

Aussies, Brits, Canadians and Americans Compared

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 22:44:21 GMT

clipped by: lauriecorona

Clip Source: www.jumbojoke.com

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Brits when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't watch much TV, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice at baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms (Brits) in every sport they play them in.

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English."
Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English."
Canadians: Spell like Brits, pronounce like Americans.
Aussies: Add "G'day," "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid.

Americans: Drink weak, urine-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, urine-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting urine.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success, and failure are inherited things.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

Tags: aussies, brits, canadians, americans, fun, i.r., humor, humour

Kids' Ideas About Love

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 12:27:26 GMT

clipped by: kwonsu

Clip Source: www.rinkworks.com

"Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." -- John, age 9

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." -- Manuel, age 8

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." -- Mae, age 9

"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." -- Greg, age 8

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." -- Tom, age 5

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -- Mike, 10

"My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -- Carolyn, age 8

"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." -- Regina, age 10

"Love is foolish...but I still might try it sometime." -- Floyd, age 9

Tags: kids, love

Drugs to build up that mental muscle

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 00:04:23 GMT

clipped by: wildcat

Clip Source: www.latimes.com

Academics, musicians, even poker champs use pills to sharpen their minds, legally. Labs race to develop even more.

Forget sports doping. The next frontier is brain doping.

As Major League Baseball struggles to rid itself of performance-enhancing drugs, people in a range of other fields are reaching for a variety of prescription pills to enhance what counts most in modern life.

Despite the potential side effects, academics, classical musicians, corporate executives, students and even professional poker players have embraced the drugs to clarify their minds, improve their concentration or control their emotions.

"There isn't any question about it -- they made me a much better player," said Paul Phillips, 35, who credited the attention deficit drug Adderall and the narcolepsy pill Provigil with helping him earn more than $2.3 million as a poker player.

The Psychology Behind the Worst Possible President

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 00:39:27 GMT

clipped by: Dazey
clipper's remarks: This was longer than 2000 char, so .. at the end is a link to "print this article". Click that, it'll take you straight on to the article without loading graphics.

Clip Source: www.alternet.org

The Psychology Behind the Worst Possible President

By Jane Smiley, HuffingtonPost.com. Posted January 17, 2007.

The longer Bush is in office, the more his psychology becomes clear. He's not a well-meaning doofus; he's a madman.

Back in the year 2000, when George W. Bush lost the popular vote and was shoe-horned into office by the Supreme Court in spite of clear conflicts of interest on the part of Scalia and Thomas, the psychology of Little George was known to only a few.

To most of us he seemed like a doofus -- a more or less well-meaning guy who enjoyed running things like baseball teams and the State of Texas if not too much work was involved. Had been an alcoholic and a drug user, but had apparently come clean in some hazy, quasi-religious way -- that was his personal history to many Americans (if not to all those who met with Karl Rove behind closed doors and heard the truth).

At any rate, I remember thinking that Bill Clinton had done such a good job over the years getting the budget into a surplus and winning good feelings around the world that it really didn't matter who of the four who were running (Gore, Bradley, McCain, Bush) might win. They all seemed about the same in lots of ways.

What we really needed was some respite from Clinton's own penchant for mischief. I liked Clinton. I remember that The New Yorker magazine asked me for my take on the Lewinsky scandal, and I said that on balance, in spite of the brouhaha, I still preferred a president who would make love, not war. Clinton was a flawed human being, that was evident, but he knew it. He never didn't know it. And he was always trying to make amends.

Little did we know, of course, that the neocons thought we were due for a war. Thinktank gun-jockeys looking for a fight. Do they personally have some human qualities? Who cares. May they rot.

Tools
EMAIL
PRINT
163 COMMENTS

Tags: bush, moron, politics

Is Prosperity A Blessing From God?

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 16:11:47 GMT

clipped by: debbyski

Clip Source: www.latimes.com

ATLANTA — In the Rev. Dollar's chapel last week, a man in jeans and a baseball jersey bowed his head and opened his wallet. In front of him, a woman in nursing scrubs leaned on her Bible to write a check. And when the congregation stood up in prayer, some -- speaking in tongues -- waved collection envelopes in the air.

Creflo A. Dollar, senior pastor of World Changers Church International, preaches that God will reward the faithful with material riches. It is a gospel that has won the flamboyant preacher a 25,000-strong congregation -- and a Rolls-Royce, a multimillion-dollar mansion and a private Gulfstream III jet.

Now a Senate committee is investigating whether Dollar and leaders of several other mega-churches have illegally used donations to fund opulent lifestyles.

"Jesus came into the city of Jerusalem on a donkey," Grassley said in a telephone interview. "Do these ministers really need Bentleys and Rolls-Royces to spread the Gospel?"

Tags: are, they, truly, blessed, and, favored

Performance Enhancing Drugs for Pro-Gamers

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 09:52:40 GMT

clipped by: wildcat
clipper's remarks: As always what is needed is regulation and not banning

Clip Source: www.dailytech.com

Looking for a competitive edge, some pro-gamers turn to marijuana, amphetamines, and more

Doping scandals in the world of sports are nothing new. As far back as 1889, James Francis "Pud" Galvin, the first pro-baseball pitcher to win 300 games, was advertising an elixir of monkey testosterone which he regularly took. Today, in sports as diverse as baseball, cycling, mixed martial arts, and track and field, athletes are regularly banned and suspended for drug use.

Now, there's a new professional sport that's drawing these timeless tough questions -- professional gaming. While some don't consider pro gaming a "sport" per se, they cannot deny the facts -- top pro gamers are professionals who are making a good deal of money, and regularly use their prestige to create lucrative brands.

It identified, marijuana, amphetamines (speed), Dexamphetamine and Methylphenidate (Ritalin), Caffeine, and FpsBrain, the German drug cocktail

It's funny because it's true

Tags: performance enhancing drugs, gaming

Some Strange Stuff!

Sun, 02 Sep 2007 11:35:57 GMT

clipped by: skwirlinator

Clip Source: www.strangefacts.com

During your lifetime, you'll eat about 60,000 pounds of food, that's the weight of about 6 elephants!

Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they cant find any food!

In space, astronauts cannot cry properly, because there is no gravity, so the tears can't flow down their faces!

About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they were 30!

In the White House, there are 13,092 knives, forks and spoons!

Lightning strikes about 6,000 times per minute on this planet!

In Bangladesh, kids as young as 15 can be jailed for cheating on their finals!

Q is the only letter in the alphabet that does not appear in the name of any of the United States!

166,875,000,000 pieces of mail are delivered each year in the U.S!
1,525,000,000 miles of telephone wire a strung across the U.S!
123,000,000 cars are being driven down the U.S's highways!
85,000,000 tons of paper are used each year in the U.S!

56,000,000 people go to Major League baseball each year!

Tags: strange, facts, observations

List of Homer Simpson's lifelong dreams

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 00:04:37 GMT

clipped by: sohil

Clip Source: en.wikipedia.org

List of Homer Simpson's lifelong dreams

The following is a list of lifelong dreams by Homer Simpson as reported in The Simpsons TV series.

Homer is a man of many lifelong dreams which he frequently quotes during the series (sometimes different from his previous dreams), and his wife, Marge, points out every time he makes up a new one.

His lifelong dreams include,

Becoming a Monorail conductor, ("Marge vs. the Monorail")
Running out onto the baseball field during a game, ("Marge vs. the Monorail")
Managing a beautiful country-western singer, ("Colonel Homer")
Eating the world's biggest hoagie, ("Colonel Homer")
Becoming a blackjack dealer, ("$pringfield")
Appearing on The Gong Show, ("$pringfield")
Owning the Dallas Cowboys, ("You Only Move Twice")
Living in the wilderness, while keeping a journal of his thoughts
Working in a bowling alley, ("And Maggie Makes Three")
Ending crime and injustice("Papa's Got a Brand New Badge")
Bowling a perfect game ("Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder")
Seeing Stevie Nicks naked
Becoming a rock star
Become fat so he gets to work at home ("King-Size Homer")

Homer has achieved all of his goals except for ending crime and injustice, living in the wilderness, and owning the Dallas Cowboys. However Hank Scorpio did give him the Denver Broncos, which in the Quebec French translation became the Montreal Alouettes.

Tags: homer, simpsons, list, fun, funny, humor, cartoon, dream

The 5 Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 23:14:00 GMT

clipped by: usmc6531

Clip Source: www.pagetutor.com

The questions are:

What are you thinking about?
Do you love me?
Do I look fat?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

Baseball.
Football.
How fat you are.
How much prettier she is than you.
How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:

I suppose so.
Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
That depends on what you mean by love.
Does it matter?
Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:

Compared to what?
I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
A little extra weight looks good on you.
I've seen fatter.
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Tags: funny, humor, questions, woman, man

Confessions

Sat, 10 May 2008 07:55:26 GMT

clipped by: dakotayii
clipper's remarks: The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that, that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again"

Clip Source: losangeles.craigslist.org

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."

Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The son says, "$1,000."

Tags: humor

119 things I learned from anime

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 20:36:48 GMT

clipped by: sohil

Clip Source: www.abcb.com

War sucks.

You CAN have too many women.

When you die, make a long speech, and don't finish the last sentence.

When in China, listen to your tour guide.

Believe in goddesses.

Women are attracted to losers; men are attracted to ANYTHING.

The coolest weapon is still the sword.

The green-haired alien girl will always betray her people for the man she loves.

Romance never comes simpler than in a triangle.

Daydreaming leads to accidents.

Double suicide is romantic.

The guy in the baseball cap is always more powerful than he seems.

Consuming enormous amounts of alcohol daily will never have ill effects.

TAKAHASHI'S LAW 1: Food is a powerful motivator.

When women are sent out to fight the bad guys, there's always a hunk busily watching over them, often in secret.

TAKAHASHI'S LAW 2: The two-foot-tall old geezer is someone to be feared.

Extraterrestrial, demons, time travelers, etc. all want to alter the course of history by letting Oda Nobunaga win.

The vampire isn't _always_ the bad guy

Tags: anime, funny, fun, humor, humour, war, list, interesting, television, tv

Funny one liners

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:21:26 GMT

clipped by: Rashid Malik
clipper's remarks: Lots of humorous one liners.

Clip Source: jo-kes.blogspot.com

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

Tags: humor, jokes, funny one liners

For today's pedophiles, it's all too easy

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 18:05:23 GMT

clipped by: arifsali

Clip Source: www.theglobeandmail.com

Cellphones, Internet help Westerners share information about where to travel — or move — abroad to seek out sex with children

If the international headlines over the arrest of alleged Canadian pedophile Christopher Neil has put a chill on Southeast Asian sex tourism, it isn't evident on the streets of Ho Chi Minh City. It takes all of 30 minutes to find a boy who earns his living having sex with foreigners.

Just go to the backpacker district, a shabby collection of bars, budget travel agencies and cheap hotels. Sit down at an outdoor table, order a beer and wave to the first street vendor who walks by. A teenaged bookseller in a baseball cap and flip-flops first offers himself, then heads off to find someone even younger.

Tags: sex, pedophiles, children