Clipmarks | dmegivern's Humor collection

Heaven and Hell Explained

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 03:47:22 GMT

clipped by: Lingsy

Clip Source: www.pizdaus.com

Tags: humor

A Simple Question : Why do you do what you do?

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 04:18:53 GMT

clipped by: Bluephoenix4
clipper's remarks: Why do you do what you do?

Clip Source: www.wdydwyd.com

Tags: cool, life, inspiration, people, society

Workplace Humor

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 04:04:27 GMT

clipped by: grammydjb1

Clip Source: e10.email.myway.com

TODAY'S CLEAN LAUGH

*Hiring Slogans*

Beware of Companies With These Hiring Slogans:

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY": We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE": We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED": You'll be six months behind on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED": Some each night and some each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY": Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL": We have no quality control.

Tags: humor

Chimps on treadmills offer evolution insight

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 22:54:18 GMT

clipped by: Newfman

Clip Source: www.cnn.com

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- Chimpanzees scampering on a treadmill have provided support for the notion that ancient human ancestors began walking on two legs because it used less energy than quadrupedal knuckle-walking, scientists said.

Writing on Monday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, the researchers said people walking on a treadmill used just a quarter of the energy relative to their size compared to chimpanzees knuckle-walking on four legs.

Some scientists for decades have advanced the hypothesis that millions of years ago, human ancestors began walking upright because it used less energy than quadrupedal walking, gaining advantages in things like food foraging.

The chimpanzees were taught to walk on the treadmill both quadrupedally and bipedally, the scientists said

Tags: science

Data and Picard respond to the 9/11 commission..!

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 18:44:42 GMT

clipped by: TJColatrella
clipper's remarks: Data and Capt. Picard responding to the 9/11 Commission and Condi Rice's testimony..!

Clip Source: forum.myspace.com

Tags: bush, 9/11, cheney, wtc, marvin bush, burt walker, saudi arabia, bandar bush, war on terror i

Lil' Bush on Comedy Central,

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 19:14:24 GMT

clipped by: thinkingblue
clipper's remarks: Lil' Bush on Comedy Central is the most outrageous caustic bit of black comedy since Myra Breckinridge the movie. The adult cartoon sitcom takes liberties with George W Bush as a child and intertwines his outlandish adult conduct as president. Which oddly, seems less emphasized coming from a juvenile's mind, since children can get away with so much more because of their innocence. That being said, the Lil' Bush kid, still comes across as arrogant, rude and pretentiously pious just like the grown-up George. Go to thinkingblue blog for more Lil' Bush videos... http://thinkingblue.blogspot.com

Clip Source: youtube.com

[Video]

Tags: cheney, bush, political, politics, lil bush

Some very funny & totally wrong predictions from the past

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 14:45:52 GMT

clipped by: mrmadmax

Clip Source: www.thoughtmechanics.com

“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.”

“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”

“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.”

“Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?”

“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.”

Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

“Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.”

Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

“Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy.”

Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.

Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

“The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives.”

Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project.

Tags: funny, predictions, hilarious, absurd, stupid, rubbish

Dogs' Views on Changing Light Bulbs

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 16:15:54 GMT

clipped by: skwirlinator

Clip Source: www.c4vct.com

Dogs' Views on Changing Light Bulbs

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on the dog's point of view....

GOLDEN RETRIEVER: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

BORDER COLLIE: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

DACHSHUND: You know I can't reach that stupid bulb!

ROTTWEILER: Make me.

LAB: Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?

MALAMUTE: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

JACK RUSSELL TERRIER: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

POODLE: I'll blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

COCKER SPANIEL: Why change it? I can pee on the carpet in the dark.

DOBERMAN PINSCHER: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the sofa.

BOXER: Who cares? I can play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

MASTIFF: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

CHIHUAHUA: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

IRISH WOLFHOUND: Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover and..........

POINTER: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!

GREYHOUND: It isn't moving. Who cares?

AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle....

OLD ENGLISH SHEEP DOG: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

HOUND DOG: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

And the CAT: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs and I am not one of them. So, the question is, how long will it be before I get some light in here?

Back to the Animal Acts section, the Humor Index, or The Negapage.

Tags: dogs' views, funny