Clipmarks | carrerinyes's fun collection

Finding A husband

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 20:53:14 GMT

clipped by: carrerinyes
clipper's remarks: gender bias charges, the stores owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.

The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.

The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The 3rd,4th, 5th and 6th floors have never been visited

Clip Source: www.smilespedia.com

Finding a husband

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

The 1st floor sign on the door reads:

Floor 1: These men have jobs.
The 2nd floor sign reads:

Floor 2: These men have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads:

Floor 3: These men have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.
Wow, she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and help with Housework.
Oh, mercy me! she exclaims, I can hardly stand it!
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:

Floor 5: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6: You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid

MP: Mattress Police

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:09:39 GMT

clipped by: carrerinyes

Clip Source: www.mattresspolice.com

Your Brain (for Dummies)

Congratulations on your selection of the Cerebronix Diesel 1000 Carbon-Based Brain!

The Diesel 1000 is a state of the art cerebral engine that takes advantage of the latest in organic brain technology. We think you’ll be glad you chose the Diesel 1000.

Note that the Diesel 1000 is a high performance machine designed for a wide range of abstract thinking purposes. We do not recommend the Diesel 1000 for casual brain users. If you plan to use your brain primarily for mundane tasks such as doing geometry homework and remembering dentist appointments, we recommend exchanging your Diesel 1000 for something from our PracticalBrain line. You may also be interested in our Cerebroutine module, which allows your brain to easily focus on repetitive activities for hours at a time. The Diesel 1000 is not designed for such tasks, and using it in this way may void your warranty.

Features

The Diesel 1000 is designed for abstract thinking.

Cool Package Design

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:34:24 GMT

clipped by: carrerinyes

Clip Source: www.superficialgallery.com

Cool Package Design

Engineer v Manager

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 20:49:10 GMT

clipped by: carrerinyes
clipper's remarks: "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

Clip Source: www.poeticexpressions.co.uk

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied,
"You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

Someone Control My Granny!

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:55:06 GMT

clipped by: carrerinyes

Clip Source: www.zerohoursleep.com

The 2 Dollar Bill

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 15:25:16 GMT

clipped by: carrerinyes
clipper's remarks: Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"

Server: "I don't know."

Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"

Server: "Yeah."

Me: "So, why won't you take it?"

Server:
"Well, hang on a sec."

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, "He says I have to take it."

Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?"

Server: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change "

Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here."
Server: "What should I do?"

Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money."

Server: "I can't tell him that! You tell him."

Manager: "Just tell him."

Server:
"No way! This is weird. I'm going in back."

The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night."

Me: "It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill."

Manager: "We don't take those, either."

Me: "Why not?"

Manage

Clip Source: www.whatistruth.info

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go."

Server: "That'll be $1.04. Eat in?"

Me: "No, it's to go." At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.

Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"

Manager: "No. A what?"

Server: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."

Manager: "Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill."

Server: "Yeah, thought so."

He comes back to me and says, "We don't take these Do you have anything else?"

Where Do Babies Come From?

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 07:24:59 GMT

clipped by: carrerinyes

Clip Source: www.zoitz.com

zoitz

a capricious webcomic

« Next day

Previous day »

Where do babies come from?

May 28th, 2007

I don’t think they cover this in the literature.

Posted in analogies, facts of life, web, iis, apache, stick figures | 1 Comment »

Crap! How long have I been asleep?!

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 07:09:12 GMT

clipped by: tanyamm

Clip Source: ihasahotdog.com

Girlfriend 6.0 & Wife 1.0

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 09:34:44 GMT

clipped by: coconutshell
clipper's remarks: I wonder when I'll get upgraded....

Clip Source: www.math.unipd.it

Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity

applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected

During installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release

avoid the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 7.0

you cannot install Girlfriend 7.0 on top of Girlfriend 6.0

must uninstall Girlfriend 6.0 first

versions of Girlfriend have conficts over shared use of the I/O port

all versions of Girlfriend continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance

additional software

improve the performance of Wife 1.0

Flowers 3.1

Diamonds 2K

Do not,

nstall Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3

not a supported application for Wife 1.0

Tags: humour, funny, tech, web, 2.0, versions, wife, girlfriend

Why Geeks & Nerds Are Worth It

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 22:11:24 GMT

clipped by: carrerinyes
clipper's remarks: 3.) They’re more romantic than they’re given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such... but hey. It lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.

4.) Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like ‘em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like ‘em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.

5.) They’ve got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing?

6.) Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it’ll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they’re more attentive than guys who “have more options”. Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they’ll likely have mental lists of all the things they’d love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.

7.) Sex. Yep. Sex. I’m not really familiar with this

Clip Source: www.craigslist.org

Why Geeks and Nerds Are Worth It...

In the wide world of dating, there are many options. Do you go for the flashy guy with the smooth smile, or the dude in the corner typing away on his laptop? The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention to the flashy boys.

1.) While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they’re well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are... plus, I’ve never had a geek guy not call me when he said he would. Score major points THERE.

2.) They’re useful. In this tech-savvy world, it’s great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.

View Your Driver's Licence Online

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 18:44:55 GMT

clipped by: carrerinyes

Clip Source: www.license.shorturl.com

National Motor Vehicle License Organization web site - offering a free searchable database of over 121 million U.S. driver's license photos. Search using the box below.

The United States B.S. amendment to the Freedom of Information Act enacted on Sept. 3rd 2006 provides public access to motor vehicle driver's information in an electronic format. Under the Motor Vehicle Operator License Identification Act (MOLIA), all US states are required to adhere to the Driver's B.S. statute and store an electronic copy of all valid drivers licenses in their state. We do our best to make all license photo's searchable.

"You're a source for great laughs. I wanted to retake my license photo until I saw my friends were just as bad! "
   - Thomas Oneal

"Coolest site of the year"
   - Leah Stine

" An invaluable research tool. "
   - Stephen Corr

"Now I know I should have combed my hair before my picture was taken."
   - Ben Stone

Eight Healthy Reasons To Drink Beer

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 21:00:39 GMT

clipped by: reimers

Clip Source: www.forbes.com

Looking for a good excuse to tip back a beer?

You don't have to wait for St. Patrick's Day. That's because a decade's worth of health research shows that regular, moderate beer intake--one to two 12 ounce glasses per day for men and one for women--can be good for you, especially if you're facing some of the most common diseases related to aging.

Alcohol, including beer, in moderation raises high-density lipoprotein or HDL, known as good cholesterol

It also appears to have a favorable effect on the lining of blood vessels, making them less likely to form a clot or for a clot to rupture and plug an artery, and may help protect against Type 2 diabetes.

Beer may also give your brain a boost.

frequent drinking in moderation may protect men from death due to cardiovascular disease.

Adults over age 65 who drank one to six alcoholic beverages over the course of the week turned out to have a lower risk of dementia than non-drinkers or heavier drinkers

Reincarnation Station

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 19:42:40 GMT

clipped by: moonspirit4ever
clipper's remarks: I will be reincarnated as a bear. I am told that 32% of people will be born as a a high life form then me. I dunno, the bear thing might work for me...

Clip Source: www.reincarnationstation.com

Find out what you'll be in your next life at The Reincarnation Station...

Bored At Work?? | Reaction Jackson | Am I Angry? | The Farting Dot

Kansas Classrooms

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 23:42:23 GMT

clipped by: carrerinyes

Clip Source: www.bigfatwhale.com

Overheard in Dublin: Just As It Says On The Tin

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 23:13:59 GMT

clipped by: carrerinyes
clipper's remarks: Overheard In (Name your city) is always good for a laugh! It helps if you know the culture!

Clip Source: www.overheardindublin.com

Just as it says on the tin

I brought my American friend to the Brazen Head for a bit of yee old Irish trad music last Monday. He was full of questions about the Irish people and I was happy to explain everything to him. There were a group of gorgeous young blondes in the centre of the pub and my Irish friend leaned in and said "I bet they're Danes". Then one of them shouted "Denmark!" and we laughed and the American was amazed by our ability to tell their nationality.

Next a heavily built tanned male struts by us staring at the girls in an unhealthy way. "American!" I shout at the same time as my other Irish friend.

Our American companian is amazed and goes "No way guys, how can you tell just by looking at the guy where he's from?!"

Just at that moment the tanned male struts up to the cutest blonde and in a heavy American jock accent says...

"So.....you're Denmarkian?"

Point proved