Clipmarks | bignosemousie's Internet Manners collection

Speak love

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 16:11:06 GMT

clipped by: bignosemousie
clipper's remarks: What kind thing can you tell someone today?

Clip Source: thisiskristin.com

“Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much.”

~ Blaise Pascal

Tags: the greatest of these is love

How to be Cheerful AND Kind

Mon, 05 May 2008 10:19:00 GMT

clipped by: melissathewriter
clipper's remarks: You mustn't have one without the other...it defeats the whole concept!

And remember: "Teacher says, 'Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings!"

*ring ring*

Clip Source: www.wikihow.com

[edit] Steps

Be comfortable in your own skin. Take a really good look at yourself and make note of the good side of yourself.
Help someone who is in need.
Learn how to have good manners and be polite.
Look on the bright side, but be honest.
Listen to both sides of things and listen carefully.
Keep an open mind.
Be encouraging and don't put people down.
Never judge too harshly. You never know if you'll be in that position someday and need a friend. Be a friend.
Look people in the eye and smile. It makes you feel good too!

[edit] Warnings

Cheerfulness is often mistaken for being fake. Don't talk in little high voices and pretend to be perfect. You'll just end up annoying everybody.
Be careful; with the opposite sex, sometimes kindness can be misconstrued as a come on. Make sure your intentions are clear, if unwanted.
Don't consume too much alcohol too often. You may later regret something you may have done or said to someone. Keep a clear mind.

Internet message boards: Free speech for everyone!

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 16:28:36 GMT

clipped by: bignosemousie
clipper's remarks: From source: "Is this what we have an Internet for? Does this latest and greatest medium of mass communication really exist only so that some us can vent our ids?"

Clip Source: www.miamiherald.com

For a devotee of the First Amendment, it's a sobering history lesson. We tend to think of free speech in lofty terms, to regard it as a means of liberating the human intellect, spirit and body.

And why shouldn't we? We are the nation of Thomas Paine and John Steinbeck, of Betty Friedan and Cesar Chavez, of Bob Dylan and Stevie Wonder. What further proof do you need that when people are allowed to say whatever they want, sometimes they will say great things?

Problem is, we are also the nation of Larry Flynt and Don Imus, of Charles Coughlin and David Duke, of 50 Cent and Luther Campbell. What further proof do you need that when people are allowed to say whatever they want, sometimes they will just tell fart jokes?

To put it another way: not everyone has something to say. This will not stop them from saying it. For some people, freedom and anonymity are always an invitation to sink like an anchor to the lowest common denominator. Which is distressing until you consider the alternative.

Tags: internet, free speech, message boards, society, first amendment, opinion, manners, clipmarks

10 tips for keeping the peace

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 23:35:17 GMT

clipped by: bignosemousie
clipper's remarks: Descriptions at the source.

Clip Source: www.esrnational.org

Slow down the action.

Listen well.

Give the other person the benefit of the doubt.

Acknowledge the other person's feelings.

Be strong without being mean.

Try to see a conflict as a problem to be solved, rather than a contest to be won.

Set your sights on a "win-win" solution.

If you don't seem to be getting anywhere in solving a conflict, ask for help.

Remember that conflict, handled well, can lead to personal growth and better relationships. Try to see the conflict as an opportunity.

The true heroes and sheroes of today's world are not the Rambos. They are those who have the courage and intelligence to deal with conflict in creative, nonviolent ways.

Tags: peace, interaction, behavior, society, communication, debate

Entitlement isn't a feeling

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 23:24:46 GMT

clipped by: bignosemousie

Clip Source: heartless-bitches.com

The danger here is that when people believe they are entitled to something - like they are owed something for the efforts they put in, and they don't get it, they inevitably see themselves as victims. And as Cynthia Heimel said, "There is nothing more dangerous than someone who thinks of himself as a victim. Victims feel it's within their rights to fuck over everyone.

Aren't we told that our feelings are valid no matter what? I mean, nobody has a right to tell you how you should and shouldn't feel, right?

But entitlement isn't a feeling - it's a chosen reaction to a feeling - it's a belief, a judgment, and often an inappropriate one at that. Anger, hurt, sadness, grief - those are feelings. And while you have every right to have and experience those very legitimate feelings, you don't have an inalienable right to express them any way you want, anywhere you want.

Tags: entitlement, feelings, psychology, behavior, society

Entitlement vs. Gratitude

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 23:09:55 GMT

clipped by: bignosemousie

Clip Source: www.aish.com

THE ENTITLEMENT ATTITUDE

There are many things we feel entitled to. For example, aren't we entitled to have people treat us fairly, with sensitivity, with respect? Where is that written? The truth is that any kindness we receive from others is always a gift.

Eliminating entitlement from your life and embracing gratitude is spiritually and psychologically liberating.

What have we done that we could claim we earned life, health, financial success, or children? We have done nothing. As I mentioned earlier, when we internalize this truth, we become spiritually and psychologically liberated.

Tags: entitlement, gratitude, society, behavior

Get your angries out

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 23:03:37 GMT

clipped by: bignosemousie

Clip Source: www.angriesout.com

Projection, Blaming, Grudge Holding, Doomsday Thinking, Revenge Thoughts, Black and White Thinking: Irrational Ways of Thinking Which Keeps You Angry

Here are the most common errors in thinking that add to a lifetime of misery:

Preoccupation with Right and Wrong and Perceived Injustice. Blaming others is a way of life for some people. If you hear yourself continually saying, 'It's not fair!' then you are focusing on the negative instead of going into problem solving. Much of life really isn't fair!

Keeping score of slights from others and dwelling on them creates a climate of hurt and suspicion.

Focusing on unfairness keeps them caught in anger, resentment and grudges.

Entitlement thinking. This way of viewing the world is to believe that your way is right and is the only way. If others do no agree with you, anger comes up.

The belief is 'You must agree with me and do things my way or I have the right (I'm entitled) to get angry.

Tags: anger, entitlement, behavior, thinking, society

Quote- Signs of a sick Culture

Tue, 22 May 2007 15:33:54 GMT

clipped by: Laustere
clipper's remarks: -R.A. Heinlein, "Friday".

Paraphrased for length... The full quote is definately worth looking at.

Clip Source: www.quotableheinlein.com

What are the marks of a sick culture?

It is a bad sign when the people of a country stop identifying themselves with the country and start identifying with a group. A racial group. Or a religion. Or a language. Anything, as long as it isn't the whole population.

I think you have missed the most alarming symptom of all. This one I shall tell you. But go back and search for it. Examine it. Sick cultures show a complex of symptoms as you have named... But a dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than a riot.

This symptom is especially serious in that an individual displaying it never thinks of it as a sign of ill health but as proof of his/her strength. Look for it. Study it. It is too late to save this culture - this worldwide culture, not just the freak show here in California.

Tags: quote, heinlein, culture, sick, friday

Take responsibility for your words

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 19:41:26 GMT

clipped by: bignosemousie
clipper's remarks: Interesting blog entry on using non-offensive language. I recommend that interested Clippers read the entire entry. I found it thought provoking, especially the part about "gay" and "retarded" being lazy adjectives. Why use them except to be insulting? Why are those words used as insults? It seems strange to me that some people wouldn't dream of using "gay" as an insult but feel free to use "retarded" as a synonym for "stupid."

Clip Source: www.melted-dreams.net

Whenever the topic of using non-offensive language comes up, someone invariably objects on one of two grounds:

1. I’m somehow impinging upon their freedom of speech.

People need to take responsibility for their actions, and that includes their words. Words are a powerful tool and people are sometimes entirely too careless with them.

I have a firm belief that people need to actually say what they mean, rather than resorting to slang and curse words and hoping that people understand their intent and sympathize with it.

2. There are no other words in the English language that will suffice except for those which are horribly offensive.

Also, some people seem to argue that they need to be able to use “gay” or “retarded” as a synonym for “stupid”. Actually communicating why you disliked a movie, perhaps found it dull, is impossible. There’s this ephemeral quality to something that makes it “gay” that merely saying “this subject doesn’t interest me” doesn’t quite capture.

Tags: language, speech, writing, insults, communication, clipmarks

Trolls and Other Nastiness

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 12:36:18 GMT

clipped by: debbyski
clipper's remarks: A very provocative article on freedom on speech vs. downright nastiness, hatred and harassment. Is uncensored speech the most free, or is free speech enhanced by civility?

Clip Source: www.nytimes.com

Is it too late to bring civility to the Web?

Menacing behavior is certainly not unique to the Internet. But since the Web offers the option of anonymity with no accountability, online conversations are often more prone to decay into ugliness than those in other media.

As many female bloggers can attest, women are often targets. Heather Armstrong, a blogger in Salt Lake City who writes publicly about her family (dooce.com), stopped accepting unmoderated comments on her blog two years ago after she found that conversations among visitors consistently devolved into vitriol.

Clip Source: www.nytimes.com

People who disagree with his politics frequently leave harassing comments on his site. But the situation reached a new low last month, when an anonymous opponent started a blog in Mr. Silverstein’s name that included photos of Mr. Silverstein in a pornographic context.

“I’ve been assaulted and harassed online for four years,” he said. “Most of it I can take in stride. But you just never get used to that level of hatred.”

Tags: internet, manners, speech, freedom, harrassment

George Washington's Rules of Civility

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 17:37:19 GMT

clipped by: Kore7
clipper's remarks: Insightful precepts of civil social behavior; as applicable now as ever.

As a young schoolboy in Virginia, George Washington took his first steps toward greatness by copying out by hand a list of 110 'Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation.' Based on a 16th-century set of precepts compiled for young gentlemen by Jesuit instructors, the Rules of Civility were one of the earliest and most powerful forces to shape America's first president....

Most of the rules are concerned with details of etiquette, offering pointers on such issues as how to dress, walk, eat in public and address one's superiors. But in the introduction to the newly published Rules of Civility: The 110 Precepts That Guided Our First President in War and Peace, Brookhiser warns against dismissing the maxims as "mere" etiquette. "The rules address moral issues, but they address them indirectly," [he] writes. "They seek to form the inner man (or boy) by shaping the outer."
Clip Source: www.npr.org

1. Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.
20. The gestures of the body must be suited to the discourse you are upon.
22. Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another though he were your enemy.
23. When you see a crime punished, you may be inwardly pleased; but always show pity to the suffering offender.
35. Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.
44. When a man does all he can, though it succeed not well, blame not him that did it.
47. Mock not nor jest at any thing of importance. Break no jests that are sharp, biting, and if you deliver any thing witty and pleasant, abstain from laughing thereat yourself.
48. Wherein you reprove another be unblameable yourself, for example is more prevalent than precepts.
56. Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company.
58. Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for 'tis a sign of a tractable and commendable nature, and in all causes of passion permit reason to govern.
61. Utter not base and frivolous things among grave and learned men, nor very difficult questions or subjects among the ignorant, or things hard to be believed; stuff not your discourse with sentences among your betters nor equals.
65. Speak not injurious words neither in jest nor earnest; scoff at none although they give occasion.
66. Be not froward but friendly and courteous, the first to salute, hear and answer; and be not pensive when it's a time to converse.
81. Be not curious to know the affairs of others, neither approach those that speak in private.
82. Undertake not what you cannot perform but be careful to keep your promise.
110. Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.

Tags: george washington, president, rules, advice, list, social, behavior, conversation, character, civility, etiquette, manners, respect, history

How to handle an a**hole

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 17:56:28 GMT

clipped by: communicatrix
clipper's remarks: Great advice from HelloMyNameIsScott, aka the Nametag Guy, who's learned by doing.

Clip Source: hellomynameisscott.blogspot.com

1. Pause before you react. Think honestly about what he said. Don’t defend the accusation unless you’re being appropriately attached.

2. If you’ve clearly messed up, own up. No excuses. Simply offer a valid reason why you did what you did, even if it’s as simple as, “I wasn’t thinking.”

3. Ask for more detail. Fully understand what happened. Also ask him to help you avoid similar problems in the future.

4. Don’t over apologize. Thank him for his feedback.

Tags: behavior, manners, howto, tips

Internet manners

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 16:17:16 GMT

clipped by: techiegirl13
clipper's remarks: One of the better comments on the reasons behind virtual jerkitude.

Clip Source: pogue.blogs.nytimes.com

Hmmm . . . sounds a lot like UseNet circa 1993 or so. I’d argue that the root cause is only partly about the anonymity (I’ve written & sent plenty of things I regretted later, and used my real name on all of them) and as much about the deadly combination of immediacy (I can read some dumb thing you wrote and by golly, it only takes 2 clicks to respond) and the lack of another human face there to respond to.

When we’re addressing an actual person, all but the most autistic of us are able to pick up on the subtle visual cues (the scowl, the upraised fist) that we’re saying something offensive. We’re also able to add the vocal inflections that say “yo dude, I’m just yanking your chain” without having to actually say it.

I’d go so far as to argue that basic human empathy is instinctual, not learned, but it relies upon audiovisual cues in order to work, cues that simply aren’t present when you’re parked in front of a keyboard, reaming somebody you’ve never met.

— Posted by Ross Grady

December 14th,
2006
12:55 pm

Tags: blogs, net culture, social, ethics, politeness, social dynamics

Whatever Happened to Online Etiquette?

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 19:21:08 GMT

clipped by: Kore7
clipper's remarks:

Maybe as the Internet becomes as predominant as air, somebody will realize that online behavior isn’t just an afterthought. Maybe, along with HTML and how to gauge a Web site’s credibility, schools and colleges will one day realize that there’s something else to teach about the Internet: Civility 101.

Also see: Why are we so nasty (online)?

Clip Source: pogue.blogs.nytimes.com

The deeper we sail into the new online world of communications, the sadder I get about its future.

But what’s really stunning is how hostile *ordinary* people are to each other online these days.

What’s going on here?

My current theories:

* On the Internet, you’re anonymous. Since you don’t have to face the person you’re dumping on, you don’t see any reason to display courtesy.

* On the Internet, you’re anonymous. You worry that your comments might get lost in the shuffle, so you lay it on thick to enhance your noticeability.

* The open toxicity is all part of the political climate. We’ve learned from the Red state-Blue state talking heads that open hostility can pass for meaningful conversation.

* Young people who spend lots of time online are, in essence, replacing in-person social interactions with these online exchanges. With so much less experience conversing in the real world, they haven’t picked up on the value of treating people civilly. That is, they haven’t yet hit the stage of life when getting things like friends, a spouse and a job depend on what kind of person you are.

* Many parents haven’t been teaching social skills (or haven’t been around to teach them) for years, but Web 2.0 is suddenly making it apparent for the first time. (”Web 2.0″ describes sites like Digg and Slashdot, where the audience itself provides material for the Web site.)

The real shame, though, is that the kneejerk “everyone else is an idiot” tenor is poisoning the potential the Internet once had. People used to dream of a global village, where maybe we can work out our differences, where direct communication might make us realize that we have a lot in common after all, no matter where we live or what our beliefs.

But instead of finding common ground, we’re finding new ways to spit on the other guy, to push them away. The Internet is making it easier to attack, not to embrace.

Tags: civility, social, communication, manners, online, etiquette, web, community, conversation, david pogue

Who Values Manners?

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 15:27:15 GMT

clipped by: gusnite

Clip Source: www.idea-bank.com

Manners are of more importance than laws.  Upon them, in a great
measure, the laws depend.  The law touches us but here and there,
and now and then.  Manners are what vex or smooth, corrupt or
purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or refine us, by a constant,
steady, uniform, insensible operation, like that of the air we
breathe in.  They give their whole form and color to our lives.
According to their quality, they aid morals, they support them,
or they totally destroy them.

Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
British statesman and orator
letters on a Regicide Peace (1797)

Tags: manners, civility