Clipmarks | RAF6974's clips

Attention Getter

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 21:29:41 GMT

clipped by: RAF6974

*Sketch Time

A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students to sketch a naked
man.

As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches he noticed
that a sexy young coed had sketched the man with an erect penis.

The professor commented, "Oh, no, I wanted it the other way."

She replied, "What other way?"
*

Where's Arnold

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 04:01:36 GMT

clipped by: RAF6974

Clip Source: bikersplacetoo.googlegroups.com

Little Black Dress

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 04:00:00 GMT

clipped by: RAF6974

Clip Source: bikersplacetoo.googlegroups.com

WITCH WINGS

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 06:46:15 GMT

clipped by: RAF6974

Clip Source: groups.google.com

MY EX-WIFE, THE PILOT

My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce
started and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final, later that
same year.

Yesterday afte! rnoon I got a phone call that she narrowly escaped injury
in the aircraft she was piloting. Seems she was forced to make an emergency
landing in Hamilton because of bad weather. Thank God the kids weren't
with her.

The FAA issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error: She was flying a
single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument flight rating) conditions while
only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating)..

The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on
board. No one on the ground was injured.

The photograph below was taken at the scene to show the extent of damage
to her aircraft.

She was really lucky.

A Name's A Name

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 08:09:04 GMT

clipped by: RAF6974

Clip Source: groups.google.com

The Navy Chief ......
The Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, "Get over here!
What's your name sailor?" "John," the new seaman replied. "Look, I don't
know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors in boot
camp these days, but I don't call anyone by his first name," the chief
scowled. "It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority.
I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker,
whatever. And you are to refer to me as 'Chief'. Do I make myself clear?" "Aye,
Aye Chief!" "Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?" The
seaman sighed. "Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief." "Okay, John,
here's what I want you to do ...."

Boobs vs. Willies

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 07:48:34 GMT

clipped by: RAF6974

Clip Source: groups.google.com

Boobs vs. Willies

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father 'Dad, how
many kinds of boobs are there?'

The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, a woman goes through three pha
ses.
In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm.
In Her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
Ater 50, they are like onions'.
'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'
This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, how many
kinds of 'willies' are there?'

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes
through three phases also.
In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and Hard.
In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree'.

'A Christmas tree?'

'Yes --- dead from the roots up and the balls are just for decoration.'
*

Definitions

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 07:46:39 GMT

clipped by: RAF6974

Clip Source: groups.google.com

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning,
or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt
and having the balls to say: You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking
there is no difference in the outcome.
Both result in death. *
*

FLIGHT SCHOOL

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 07:41:52 GMT

clipped by: RAF6974

Clip Source: groups.google.com

Trust a pilot

During a commercial airline flight an Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!"

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.

The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed, "And all these years, I've been chewing gum."

BAAAAAAAH

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 05:56:41 GMT

clipped by: RAF6974

Clip Source: groups.google.com

A farmer walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and
says, "Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."

The wife, lying in bed reading a book, looks up and says, "If
you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."

The farmer replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch,
you'd realize I was talking to the sheep."

Blood Cluckers

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 07:00:02 GMT

clipped by: RAF6974

Clip Source: groups.google.com

*American Medical Association researchers have found that patients needing
blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than
human blood. It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better. *

My Son The Vet

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 06:56:59 GMT

clipped by: RAF6974

Clip Source: groups.google.com

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the
Granville Presbyterian church found a pink envelope containing $1,000.
It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the
offering was collected and saw a little old lady
put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until
the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the
collection plate," he stated.

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some
of it to the church."

The pastor asked, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"

The old lady replied, "$10,000 a week.."

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful! What does he do for a
living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he
practice?"

The little old lady said proudly,
"In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno ."

Camp Fire Fun

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 06:48:35 GMT

clipped by: RAF6974

Clip Source: 3.bp.blogspot.com

Tough Choice

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 06:47:10 GMT

clipped by: RAF6974

Clip Source: groups.google.com

* Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office. John to
George: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She's a lot
better in bed than my wife!"

Two days later. George to John: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as
well, but I still think your wife is better in bed!"*

It's A Mystery

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 06:44:05 GMT

clipped by: RAF6974

Clip Source: groups.google.com

*A creative writing class at Slippery Rock University was asked to write
a concise essay containing the following elements:

Religion
Royalty
Sex
Mystery

The prize winner wrote:

"My God," said the queen, "I am pregnant! I wonder who did it?"** *

Confession

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 06:37:07 GMT

clipped by: RAF6974

Clip Source: groups.google.com

AN ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew,
and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'