Clipmarks | Perkalicious11's 'salary' clips

Prison vs. Work: What's better?

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 06:04:14 GMT

clipped by: adamc
clipper's remarks: Maybe the real-life Shawshank Redemption guy and bank robber "hero" have been reading this.

Clip Source: pages.infinit.net

IN PRISON...
You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.

AT WORK...
You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...
You get three meals a day.

AT WORK...
You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to payfor it.

IN PRISON...
You get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK...
You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

IN PRISON...
A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

AT WORK...
You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON...
You can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK...
You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...
You get your own toilet.

AT WORK...
You have to share.

IN PRISON...
They allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK...
You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON...
All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.

AT WORK...
You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...
You spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.

AT WORK...
You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...
There are wardens who are often sadistic.

AT WORK...
They are called supervisors.

Tags: prison, work, funny, humor, life

McDonald's Application

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 04:10:46 GMT

clipped by: kankamuso

Clip Source: www.thealders.net

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida........and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

Name: Greg Bulmash

Sex: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

Desired Position: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

Desired Salary: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

Education: Yes.

Last Position Held: Target for middle management hostility.

Salary: Less than I'm worth.

Most Notable Achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

Reason For Leaving: It sucked.

Hours Available To Work: Any.

Preferred Hours: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

Do You Have Any Special Skills?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

May We Contact Your Current Employer?: If I had one, would I be here?

Do You Have Any Physical Conditions That Would Prohibit You From Lifting Up To 50 Lbs?: Of what?

Do You Have A Car?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

Have You Received Any Special Awards Or Recognition?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.

Do You Smoke?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

What Would You Like To Be Doing In Five Years?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

Do you Certify That The Above Is True And Complete To The Best Of Your Knowledge?: Yes. Absolutely.

Sign Here: Aries.

Tags: humor, funny, application, mcdonalds, jobs

How To Win EVERY Argument

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 06:05:30 GMT

clipped by: Jdfodio
clipper's remarks: Brilliant! I think my boyfriend has already memorized all of these tactics and then some.

Clip Source: www.ece.ust.hk

MAKE THINGS UP

Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead:

"The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."

NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

USE MEANINGLESS BUT WEIGHTY-SOUNDING WORDS AND PHRASES

Memorize this list:

Let me put it this way
In terms of
Vis-à-vis
Per se
As it were
Qua
So to speak

USE SNAPPY AND IRRELEVANT COMEBACKS

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

You're begging the question.
You're being defensive.
Don't compare apples to oranges.
What are your parameters?

Don't forget the classic: YOU'RE SO LINEAR.

Tags: humor

How much does the President get paid?

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 17:05:44 GMT

clipped by: ericw
clipper's remarks: Interesting list of some federal employee salaries (as of Jan 2005).

Clip Source: people.howstuffworks.com

Executive Branch

President: $400,000; $50,000 expense account; $100,000 nontaxable for travel; $19,000 official entertainment account; free housing
Retired president: $150,000 pension; plus $150,000 to maintain staff
Former first lady: $20,000
Vice president: $208,100; $10,000 expense account; free housing
Presidential Cabinet member (i.e. secretary of defense, attorney general, etc.): $157,000

Legislative Branch

Speaker of the House of Representatives: $208,100
Senate president pro tempore: $180,100
Senate and House majority and minority leaders: $180,100
Other senators and representatives: $162,100

Judicial Branch

Supreme Court chief justice: $208,100
Supreme Court associate justices: $199,200
Circuit judges: $171,800
District judges: $162,100

Tags: bush, government, employess, salaries, president, vice president, trivia, federal employees, politics, president's salary

A kiss for woman who saved a lion . . .

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 15:21:43 GMT

clipped by: CrazyRedHead

Clip Source: www.timesonline.co.uk

Ana Julia Torres snuggles up to Jupiter, the African lion she rescued from a circus six years ago (Inaldo Perez / AP)

A kiss for woman who saved a lion . . .

The king of the jungle showed his romantic side when he reached through the bars of his cage in Cali, Colombia, and clasped Ana Julia Torres in his giant paws to give her a kiss.

Ms Torres earned the affection of Jupiter, a 110kg (242lb) African lion, by nursing him back to health after rescuing him from a circus. He is one of about 800 maltreated residents at her Villa Lorena animal shelter in a poor suburb of the city.

Ms Torres, a teacher who began nursing abused animals ten years ago, says that she takes in everything from limbless flamingos to blind monkeys.

Jupiter is relatively lucky compared with a mountain lion that had been kept illegally as a pet. Its two front legs were hacked off after it clawed at a family member’s face.

Ms Torres funds the shelter with her salary, bolstered by donations. But she is adamant that it will not open to the public. “We want the animals to live in peace. This is a paradise where they can finally rest.”

Tags: animals

Struggling By on the Minimum Wage

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 20:17:41 GMT

clipped by: jklugman
clipper's remarks: Via Amal A at Improvisations.

Clip Source: newsvote.bbc.co.uk

Struggling by on minimum wage

Clip Source: news.bbc.co.uk

Clip Source: newsvote.bbc.co.uk

Mrs Walter works as a cashier in a thrift store in Columbus, Ohio. She has been earning $6.25 (£3.23) an hour, more than the US minimum wage of $5.15, but not as much as the $7.25 the Democrats are hoping to make mandatory.

In fact Ohio is one of a handful of states that voted to raise its minimum wage above the national level in October, so from her next pay cheque, Mrs Walter's salary should go up to $6.85 an hour.

That will make a difference in her life, she says. At the moment, she is barely making ends meet.

"I get my pay cheque and go deposit it directly. I don't ever see any cash," she says.

No spare change

Since being arrested two years ago over an altercation with her teenage son, she has worked her way from a homeless shelter to "an apartment complex that was filled with prostitutes and drug dealers" to a better apartment nearby, though still in what she calls a ghetto.

The rent consumes nearly half her monthly income, and after paying her bills for gas, electricity, water and telephone, she has about $174 (£90) a month to live on.

"I don't even have a penny jar" for spare change, she says.

She has no health insurance, cuts her own hair and keeps her apartment at 15.5 C to lower her gas bill.

She is also trying to pay off a credit card bill with 22.4% interest.

"I got the credit card after my divorce in 1999 and it has helped me in certain situations, but I am done with that," she says, adding she has not made a purchase on the card in over two years.

"If I get even $20 a month [more] it will make a difference. I would save it to get a car so I could drive to a better job.

"Where I live now, I can walk to work. I love my job, but I want a better job."

Wage debate

Mrs Walters is typical of minimum-wage workers in many respects, according to figures from the left-leaning Economic Policy Institute in Washington.

Six in 10 are female, and just over half work full time. Eight in 10 are adults, rather than teenagers.

Tags: minimum-wage, poverty, ohio, social-policy, economics, politics, news, minimum wage

Funny Company procedure

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 08:15:06 GMT

clipped by: frozonfreak

Clip Source: www.avolitesshop.co.uk

Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Tags: weird, funny

best job application ever!

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 13:21:31 GMT

clipped by: mini_clips
clipper's remarks: fun read
hahahaha

Clip Source: home.cfl.rr.com

McDONALDS APPLICATION

This is an actual job application a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida – and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I were in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?

Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

Tags: humour, job application, mcdonalds

14 Reasons To Allow Drinking On The Job

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 21:42:59 GMT

clipped by: Rconsole
clipper's remarks: Haha

Clip Source: www.davesdaily.com

14 Reasons To Allow Drinking On The Job

1. It's an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages carpooling.

9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they have had a couple of drinks.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

Tags: drinking, alcohol, job, career, avoid, work

Hell and Heaven

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 01:39:51 GMT

clipped by: vickybaranwal
clipper's remarks: don't mind.....just for fun

Clip Source: topclip-vicky.blogspot.com

Hell and Heaven

Heaven is when you have

American salary
British home
Chinese food
Swiss economy
Italian body
Japanese technology
African tool

and Indian wife

Hell is when you have

American wife
British body
Chinese tool
Swiss food
Italian technology
Japanese home
African economy
and Indian salary

Tags: hell, heaven

Because the World is Round !!

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 16:49:19 GMT

clipped by: syncopath
clipper's remarks: according to another legend: Best was just fresh married with a new little one and refused to play for low salary with young Lennon and Paul cause he's got some mouths to feed at home. they asked him to give it some time and soon all will be better.. yet Pete went on his way. They went on their's.

What's the truth? who knows?..who cares?..
try take a lesson thru yr own experience & go on cause the World is Round .... .. !!

Clip Source: www.wpr.org

In the history of near-fame experiences, one story stands out. Pete Best was the Beatles' drummer just a few months before "Love Me Do" became a smash hit. His replacement, Ringo Starr, became a huge star. And Pete Best? He worked for decades as a civil servant in Liverpool.

Clip Source: jam.canoe.ca

Anyone with even a rudimentary knowledge of the history of rock 'n' roll knows the name Pete Best.

Amazingly, there still has been no communication between Pete Best and the Beatles since the day he was fired. Not a phone call. Not a card. Not a letter. No chance meetings on the streets of Liverpool.

Best recently released a new DVD, Best Of The Beatles, that tells his life story. It includes some shocking tales, such as the time Beatles manager Brian Epstein -- who was as openly gay as you could be in the 1960s -- propositioned Pete.

Did Pete's rejection of Brian's sexual advances have something to do with the ouster?

Best insisted it is not painful to talk about his Beatles experience after all these years

Clip Source: www.youtube.com

[Video]

Clip Source: www.friktech.com

Future 'Top 10' Hot Careers in 2012: Space Tourism to Genetic Counseling

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 12:53:19 GMT

clipped by: tabsey
clipper's remarks: Time to advise to the grandkids. Bloody parents these days.........blah, blah, blah..

Clip Source: www.dailygalaxy.com

1) Organic food Industry

Qualifications: Organic food expertise in farming, business or science.

Salary range: $50,000 to $80,000

2) Computational Biology

Qualifications: A bachelor’s degree or higher in bioinformatics, computer science, mathematics, biology or related area; strong software engineering skills.

Salary: $106,000 to $118,000

3) Parallel Programming

Qualifications: A bachelor's degree or higher in computer science or relevant field, non-linear thinking and creativity.

Salary: $79,000 to $88,000

4) Data Technology

Qualifications: Experience in virtual environments, imaging and visualization, technical skills, willingness to learn new tools and imagination.

Salary: $90,000 to $102,000

5) Simulation Engineering

Qualifications: A bachelor’s degree in computer science, engineering, math, physics or relevant field; analytical skills; and interpersonal skills.

Salary: $91,000 to $114,000

6) Boomer Caregiving

7) Genetic Counseling

8) Brain Analysts

9) Space Tourism

10) Roboticists

Tags: competition, will, abound

Things you wish you know that the cops already do

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 08:17:55 GMT

clipped by: coconutshell
clipper's remarks:

Clip Source: www.gnorb.net

Things Cops Know (And Wish You Would Know)

When you see an officer walk into the room, a polite greeting of “Hello, how are you?” is much more appropriate than, “Uh-Oh Jim, it looks like they’re here for you!” or putting your arms up and exclaiming, “I didn’t do it!” It will surely save you from looking like an unoriginal horse’s arse.

Some cops are just jerks, but take heart in the fact that other cops don’t like them either.

Cops know you pay taxes and that your taxes pay cops’ salaries. Cops also pay taxes, which also pay cops’ salaries so, hey, this traffic stop is on me. Now sign here; press hard.

(And a Variation On The Above:
Irate Offender: My tax money pays your salary, so you work for me!
LEO: I pay taxes, too, so I figure I’m self-employed.)

When you’re driving in the fast lane and you see a cop behind you don’t, go 5 mph’s under the speed limit. We are not impressed by how safe of a driver you can be, we’re trying to go help someone (or catch that guy in the SUV that just cut you off). Safely move over and let us pass by you, please.

If you rob a gas station you’re only going to get $20, but I get to see a K-9 dog use your arm as a chew toy. For all I care you can keep the $20.

When you see an emergency vehicle behind you with its lights and sirens on: pull to the RIGHT, and Stop. We are usually required to pass cars on the left.

Tags: humour, cops, police, interestin

Communist Personal Adds

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 13:05:27 GMT

clipped by: ouyangwulong
clipper's remarks: One of the most sinister legacies of communism is the odd side effect that its radical materialism wound up oposing beauty, love and sex.

To this day, Chinese people will insist that traditional Chinese culture does not have a concept of love, that romance is a western notion, and that Chinese marriage is purely an arrangement out of social obligation. This is of course not true, but two generations have now been born under Communist propaganda, and that's long enough for them to forget which values are traditionally Chinese, and which ones are communist indoctrination.

It's ironic to me that the reality of Communism is anti-love, anti-peace, probably anti-flower. The truth is that Communism is an ideology that is obsessed with money, materialism, and warfare. Understanding this explains a lot about the current socio-economic milieu in China and Russia.

Clip Source: www.iht.com

"The only thing I care about in a woman is her worldview," he said, his good humor souring slightly as the hours went by and we persisted that his statement contravened the laws of biology.

Even by 1981, Little Huang would no longer have had to maintain his ultra-politically correct position.

Mao was safely under glass in his Mausoleum in Tiananmen Square, and nobody's personals said, "Good proletarian seeking lifelong companion to make world revolution together."

"I am a preparatory Party member. My parents passed away and I have four brothers. I love literature and do not smoke or drink. I work in a coal mine, with a monthly salary of 80 yuan. I am seeking a woman for marriage who is kind-hearted, can manage housework, and has a good job."

Tags: love, biology, comunism, china

The American People are the Problem

Wed, 07 May 2008 22:07:20 GMT

clipped by: willhelm
clipper's remarks: There is no doubt that when a first term senator, without a credible achievement, who proved himself incompetent at the mere act of casting a vote as a State Senator, who is the most Leftist member of the Senate and all of Congress, who talks about sacrifice while giving 1% of his windfall salary to charity, who will not talk about his record, agenda, or be "distracted" by questions of his intended policies, who has befriended a terrorist and racist preacher, who has a wife that says there is a "veil of impossibility" in America ( She went to Yale, remember), who is an adherent of Black Lib (marxist) Theology, who never worked in Business or Industry, never managed a company, and never served his country. A man who whips his naive supporters up using tactics, imagery, and organic unity not seen since the early 1930's. The American People are in fact the problem when this is the man that one of the major parties in the US seems to believe is fit to be President of the U.S.

Clip Source: therant.us

In a national epidemic of individual irresponsibility, it has become a national pastime to accuse politicians of destroying America, but it is the American people who are the real problem.

When the American vote was not for sale, it could not be purchased at any price. When most Americans were real patriots, “a person who loves, supports, and defends his or her country and its interests with devotion” – they were not so easily fooled by promises of free benefits (paid for by others) and snake oil salesmen promising dancing sugar plums from the campaign stage.

Politicians are nothing more than a manifestation of the perceived will of the people. Politicians pander. Most politicians don’t care what they have to promise to purchase your vote, so long as your vote is for sale.