Clipmarks | OhBlaDi's clips

the perfect husband

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 16:58:46 GMT

clipped by: prashanth

The Perfect Husband

A quick joke about a guy who all guys should learn from. He has mastered the art of husbandry.

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello."
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .....the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is really a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape..... Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Tags: cool, funny, humor

1000 Calories of Delicious

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 06:35:26 GMT

clipped by: Andre612
clipper's remarks: A hilarious first person account of taking on the ridiculousness of the Buger King Quad Stacker. 4 patties, bacon, and cheese. 1000 calories of tasty pain. You got to go read the whole article at northbynorthwestern.com

Clip Source: www.northbynorthwestern.com

But one night I walked into Burger King and saw the advertisement that would change my life. There, wedged between the value menu and the “chicken” section was a display for the BK Stacker, a sandwich comprised of only three elements: bread, meat and cheese. They offered a double, which didn’t seem alarming, and a triple, which is disturbing, but let’s not forget we live in a country where you can go to a county fair and order a deep-fried Hostess snack cake for $1.99. But there was one more item, and it threw me into an existential crisis.

The BK QUAD STACKER, FOUR PIECES OF BEEF joined by BACON and CHEESE.

I stood in awe of the ad. Four patties? How could that be? Are there not laws? My perception of reality had been altered. Completely. Who could eat that? Is it possible? Where is the nearest defibrillator? If you consume the Quad Stacker, do you instantly morph into a human dirigible and appear on an episode of Maury? I left, clutching my order of chicken fries while I walked back to my dorm in a daze.

My hands wrap around the fast-food giant; I lift it up towards my mouth, prepared to un-hinge my jaw to fit the burger in my mouth. I lower my teeth for the first bite. My pearly-whites connect with the meat-cheese-meat monstrosity, and I feel a rush of flavors; bacon! meat! cheese! baconmeat! I swallow the initial chomp, and my throat immediately feels like I just swallowed a handful of glass instead.

Each subsequent bite is a mix of pleasure and pain, much like watching an episode of Flava of Love. There is no denying that, as gluttonous and wasteful as this foodstuff is, it’s damn good, especially when you hit the rare perfect-pairing of meat, cheese and bacon. However, most of the times I bite into the Quad Stacker, things aren’t so flawless; the burger’s secret weapon is the mass amount of bacon tucked between the patties, which are simultaneously sharp and tough to swallow. This sandwich won’t go down without a fight.

Tags: burger king, hamburger, disgusting, funny, humor, journalism, news

Top 10 Reasons Gay Marriage Should Be Illegal

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 04:47:34 GMT

clipped by: OhBlaDi

Clip Source: stopgeek.com

Top 10 Reasons Gay Marriage Should Be Illegal

12 Nov, 2006 General, -Funneh

Top Ten Reasons to Make Gay Marriage Illegal

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all like many of the principles on which this great country was founded; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of marriages like Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans. .

Tags: politics, idiots, gay marriage

Is the moon still alive?

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 01:24:47 GMT

clipped by: adamc
clipper's remarks: I'm always amazed when I see developing countries (China, India) announce plans to journey to the moon. At first I thought it was mostly a nationalistic desire to rally their people around high profile scientific achievements, but I see there are plenty of scientific reasons for another landing.

Clip Source: www.yubanet.com

Conventional wisdom says the Moon is dead. Conventional wisdom may be wrong.

Today in the journal Nature, a team of scientists led by Prof. Peter Schultz of Brown University announced evidence for fresh geologic activity on the Moon. Although lunar volcanism was supposed to have ceased billions of years ago, there's at least one place on the Moon where "outgassing" may have happened within the past 10 million years--and may still be happening today (Schultz, Staid and Pieters, Nature, 444, 184).

Ina has mysteriously sharp edges. "Something that razor sharp shouldn't stay around long. It ought to be destroyed within 50 million years," says Schultz. The destroyer of sharp edges on the Moon is a constant rain of small meteoroids that wear down mountains and craters to a nub, given time. Ina's sharp features suggest great youth.

Tags: moon, space, science, lunar, ina

Bitch Stole my Fish

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 16:05:46 GMT

clipped by: pinkziab
clipper's remarks: You gotta laugh at the look on that kids face, even without the caption.

Clip Source: thefunniest.info

Tags: humor, kids

Bizarre toilets

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 15:15:40 GMT

clipped by: KarateKari
clipper's remarks: Some of these would scare the crap out of me to use.

Clip Source: www.warriorsofdeath.net

Tags: toilet, bathroom, urinal, bizarre, humor

Deceiving Pictures - LOL

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 20:18:22 GMT

clipped by: skwirlinator

Clip Source: media.skoopy.com

Deceiving Pictures

Tags: deceiving pictures, funny, cool

The Philosophy of Sex

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 09:42:40 GMT

clipped by: coconutshell
clipper's remarks: A few of these have already been clipped...no pun intended.

Clip Source: moronland.net

The Philosophy of Sex

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
--Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Rodney Dangerfield

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other e eight are unimportant."
--George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
--Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
--Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
--Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams

Tags: humour, battle of the sexes, funny, sex, men, women

Google + Firefox = Free Music

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 22:01:35 GMT

clipped by: benjaminoaks
clipper's remarks: There’s a lot you can do with Google if you can take advantage of it’s advanced search features. Expanding on this tip which shows you how to find music in open directories, here’s a step-by-step walkthrough on how to use Firefox Smart Keyword searches to speed up the process.

Clip Source: www.friedbeef.com

Google + Firefox = Free Music Downloads

Posted by James Yeang
October 17, 2006

Firefox, Google, lifehacks, music, smart+keywords, Useful Tips

There’s a lot you can do with Google if you can take advantage of it’s advanced search features. Expanding on this tip which shows you how to find music in open directories, here’s a step-by-step walkthrough on how to use Firefox Smart Keyword searches to speed up the process.

All you need to do is:

Create a bookmark in Firefox
Use the URLs in this text file as the bookmark location in your Firefox bookmarks (like in the pic above)
Assign a keyword to it - eg. music
Type the keyword (eg. music) followed by the search term (eg. beatles) directly into the address bar (NOT the search box). For example… type in music beatles , and Google will search open directories for Beatles music files that you can download.

You can modify the code in the text file to change file extensions, which opens a whole window for you. For example, you can even change it to PDF and DOC to look to e-books, or AVI and MPG to look for movies.

By the way, I’m assuming you already own the media you will be downloading :)

Bonus Tips:

The feature above only works for Firefox. If you’re NOT on Firefox yet, try it now
If you want to create basic smart keywords to search any web page, here’s how.
Here’s a useful advanced features cheat sheet from Google
If you don’t find the files on Google, you can try the best bittorrent search engine ever.

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Tags: internet, music, digital, good idea, google, firefox

A Freaking Hilarious Photo LOL!

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 06:31:20 GMT

clipped by: orangysb
clipper's remarks: i laughed so bad when i saw this on digg

Clip Source: pics.livejournal.com

Tags: funny, humor, photo

republicans hate kittens

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 22:37:01 GMT

clipped by: warrenjoseph76

Clip Source: rant.mivox.com

Tags: politics, kittens, humor, god

The Ultimate Rejection Letter

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 13:13:27 GMT

clipped by: haraya

Clip Source: www.chaosmatrix.org

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA  34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16.  After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department. 

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters.  With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. 

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time.  Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August.  I look forward to seeing you then. 

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

Tags: rejection, letter, humor, funny, wit, application, jobs, people, joke, entertainment

Her Diary, His Diary

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 15:48:22 GMT

clipped by: knslyr

Clip Source: brt.typepad.com

Her Diary, His Diary

HER DIARY

Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing.

I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He

seemed distant and absent.

Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surpr ise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.

He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY

I shot the worst round of golf in my life today, but at least I got laid.

Posted by knslyr on 2006.08.11 | Permalink

Tags: humor, pride's tomb