Clipmarks | NonStatQuo's 'humour' clips

The Brits REALLY know how to live it up!

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 22:06:11 GMT

clipped by: NonStatQuo
clipper's remarks: This small country with a nation conquering history, has outdone itself again with an innovation that is sure to be echoed throughout the world.

Ladies and Gentlemen ... I give you....

drumroll please...

The Savory Ice Cream Cone.

Don't push and shove to be the first in line.

Clip Source: news.bbc.co.uk

A so-called "mash van" in the UK shows off its new "mash cone" with sausage, mashed potato, gravy and peas in an ice cream cone.

Tags: humour, humor, british, britian, food, yuck

W W GWB D?

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 17:41:11 GMT

clipped by: NonStatQuo
clipper's remarks: more shrub humour ... but really, it isn't funny. is it?

Clip Source: www.wellingtongrey.net

Tags: bush, humor, humour, war, iraq, futility

In France, it is illegal to name a pig Napoleon

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 23:32:50 GMT

clipped by: NonStatQuo
clipper's remarks: My happy clip for the week

Clip Source: news.bbc.co.uk

In France, it is illegal to name a pig Napoleon (4%)

In Milan, it is a legal requirement to smile at all times, except during funerals or hospital visits (5%)

Women in Vermont must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth (6%)

In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on a Sunday could be jailed (6%)

It is illegal to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle in Alabama (6%)

In Switzerland, a man may not relieve himself standing up after 10pm (6%)

In Ohio, it is illegal to get a fish drunk (9%)

6. In the UK a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet (4%)

5. If someone knocks on your door in Scotland and requires the use of your toilet, you are required to let them enter (4%)

3. It is illegal for a woman to be topless in Liverpool except as a clerk in a tropical fish store (6%)

Tags: humor, humour, funny, laws

Liberty Stickers .... When you care enough to say the very best....

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 12:56:52 GMT

clipped by: NonStatQuo

Clip Source: www.libertystickers.com

Tags: humour, humor, funny, politics

Hilarious if you ever lived or visited Britain........

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 17:42:58 GMT

clipped by: NonStatQuo
clipper's remarks: I really wish the clipmarks clip limit could be lifted on tis one. I just couldn't pack all the best ones in one clip.

Clip Source: www.bbc.co.uk

1,000 mottos for the UK

National mottos have been around almost as long as nation states, yet the UK has been characteristically demure about committing a spirited slogan to paper.

'Britain - all it needs is a coat of paint'.

The United Kingdom - Are we bovvered?

"In ASBO we trust"

Service not Included.

Great Britain: Open 9 to 5, weekdays

UK - it's outside London

"Please be patient, we are working on the problem"

Leave. Before that is banned too.

Not Great, not United, not a Kingdom, but we have well paid footballers

'B' is for Biscuits;
'R' is for Rolling One's Eyes At Queue-Jumpers;
'I' is for "I'm terribly sorry";
'T' is for... Tea;
'A' is for Apologising;
'I' is for "I'm terribly, terribly sorry";
'N' is for Not Making A Fuss.

"People never used to [insert here] in the old days"

"Turned out nice again"

It'll brighten up later"

"Ignoring politicians since 1066"

"Wait your turn" (surely this is Mr Brown's real motto? He certainly lived by it!)

"Why bother?" - Both motto and pertinent question!

Tags: humour, humor, politics, countries, england, great britian, united kingdom

Keep your voice LOUD!!!!!!

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 01:34:40 GMT

clipped by: NonStatQuo

Clip Source: carryabigsticker.com

FREE same-day shipping in the U.S.

Clip Source: carryabigsticker.com

Carry a Big Sticker is your source for liberal products!
We offer Shirts, Bumper Stickers, Magnetic Bumper Stickers,

Bike Stickers, Fridge Magnets, Buttons and more! FREE SHIPPING!

Today's Featured Products:

Iraq rolling over to Iran
Bumper Sticker or Magnetic Bumper Sticker. Click image to enlarge, see prices, then order.

When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. -Jimi Hendrix Bumper Sticker or Magnetic Bumper Sticker. Click image to enlarge, see prices, then order.

Our national health plan: DON'T GET SICK. Button. Click image to enlarge, see prices, then order.

Clip Source: carryabigsticker.com

Coexist Bumper Sticker, Magnetic Bumper Sticker, Fridge Magnet, or Bike Sticker. Click image to enlarge, see prices, then order. We also sell aS T-shirt with this design.

Tags: free speech, humour, politics, society

George W. Bush's Resumé

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 22:20:55 GMT

clipped by: thisnamecantbetaken
clipper's remarks: Why do I just love stuff like this? Maybe because the man is a joke!

Clip Source: www.anvari.org

Resume of George W Bush

Tags: funny, humour, bush, politics, crazy psycho madman

Only In America...

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 21:01:45 GMT

clipped by: zlaw777

Clip Source: www.tallrite.com

ONLY IN AMERICA

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

11. Only in America......can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House.

Tags: humor, humour, funny, america

George Bush Question time with Kids

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 08:31:39 GMT

clipped by: Deepti

Clip Source: www.avalon5.com

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name. “Stanley,” responds the little boy. “And what is your question, Stanley?” asks ol’ Dubya.

“I have 4 questions” the kid responds.

“First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?”
“Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?”
“Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?”
“Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don’t have health insurance?”

Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, “OK, where were we? Oh, that’s right question time. Who has a question?”

Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name. “Steve” the kid responds. “And what is your question, Steve?” el presidente asks.

“Actually, I have 6 questions” the kid responds.

“First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?”
“Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?”
“Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?”
“Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don’t have health insurance?”
“Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?”
“And sixth, what happened to Stanley?”

Tags: bush, w, george bush, dubya, humour, funny, humor

Why Dogs Bite Their Owners

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 20:20:26 GMT

clipped by: NonStatQuo
clipper's remarks: Ok. this is just plain funny. And there are more of these on the website where these came from. ( I can't believe this only got 5 pops! It is so funny!)

Clip Source: www.adelaider.com

Why Dogs Bite Their Owners

Tags: humour, humor, pets

IKEA job interview

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 21:58:10 GMT

clipped by: Annmairi

Clip Source: clipmarks.com

Tags: humour

Bush Clothes Label

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 21:33:39 GMT

clipped by: thisnamecantbetaken
clipper's remarks: No mention if the apology was accepted :o) Very creative.

Clip Source: www.davezilla.com

Label instructions

Posted on Monday 11 October 2004
View all posts under: Images and What the–? | Link to this post

This is the clothing label from a small American firm that sells their products in France.

Here’s the translation of the French part of the label:

Wash with warm water
Use mild soap
Dry flat
Do not use bleach
Do not dry in the dryer
Do not iron
We are sorry that our President is an idiot
We did not vote for him

Via Brian

Tags: funny, humour, bush, idiot, france

Friendship is a Joke!

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 15:07:56 GMT

clipped by: thisnamecantbetaken
clipper's remarks: Been there, did that...

Clip Source: www.honeymoon-forever.com

Friendship is a Joke

Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship poems" that always sound good but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to truth:

1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

6. When you are confused - I will use little words.

7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath. I pledge it till the end. Why?" You may ask. Because you are my friend.

Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.

And a quote I recently read: "A friend will bail you out of jail."

A TRUE friend would be sitting next to you, saying "Damn, we had a good time!"

return to more jokes from friendship jokes

Tags: funny, humour

These Signs Are Hilarious

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 20:31:54 GMT

clipped by: zlaw777

Clip Source: www.nirvani.net

The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov/. It's another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.

The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations.

If you have set yourself on fire, do not run

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder

If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.

Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the fuck away.

Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.

Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued.

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile

After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.

-- If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.

Do not drive a stations wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.

Tags: bizarre, bizzare, humour, humor, picture, pictures, photo, pic, pics

Clipmarks | NonStatQuo's 'humour' clips

The Brits REALLY know how to live it up!

W W GWB D?

In France, it is illegal to name a pig Napoleon

Liberty Stickers .... When you care enough to say the very best....

Hilarious if you ever lived or visited Britain........

Keep your voice LOUD!!!!!!

George W. Bush's Resumé

Resume of George W Bush

Only In America...

George Bush Question time with Kids

Why Dogs Bite Their Owners

Why Dogs Bite Their Owners

IKEA job interview

Bush Clothes Label

Posted on Monday 11 October 2004View all posts under: Images and What the–? | Link to this post

Friendship is a Joke!

Friendship is a Joke

These Signs Are Hilarious

Posted on Monday 11 October 2004
View all posts under: Images and What the–? | Link to this post