Clipmarks | LorisKnight's 'humor' clips

The Top 15 Euphemisms for "Getting Your Period"

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 12:42:11 GMT

clipped by: LorisKnight

Clip Source: www.topfive.com

Miss Scarlett's Come Home to Tara

Trolling for Vampires

A Dishonorable Discharge from the Uterine Navy

Saddling Old Rusty

Feelin' Menstru-riffic!

Clean-Up in Aisle One

Massacre at the Y

T-Minus 9 Months and Holding

Game Day for the Crimson Tide

Panty Shields Up, Captain!

Taking Carrie to the Prom

Playing Banjo in Sgt. Zygote's Ragtime Band

Ordering l'Omelette Rouge

Arts and Crafts Week at Panty Camp

and the Number 1 Euphemism for "Getting Your Period"...

Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System

Tags: humor

The Top 14 Rejected Slogans for Beer

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 12:40:30 GMT

clipped by: LorisKnight

Clip Source: www.topfive.com

Beer: Getting sorority girls knocked up for 300 years

Goes Down Cold, Comes Up Smooth!

A decent excuse for your normal clumsy self

Because You're Sober

Tastes like piss, but you'll drink it anyway

Beer: That nasty taste means it's workin'!

You have to fill your bladder with something.

Don't Make Germany Angry. You Wouldn't Like Germany When It's Angry.

We don't make the urine. We make the urine faster.

Numbing the Embarrassment of Being You

It's the thicker-chicker-picker-upper!

Easier to Spell than Whiskey

The *Other* Thin Yellowish Liquid

and the Number 1 Rejected Slogan for Beer...

Beer: It's how you got here.

Tags: humor

The Top 13 Rejected Pokemon Names

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 12:34:42 GMT

clipped by: LorisKnight

Clip Source: www.topfive.com

Jigglybutt

Herpekachu

Bongbuzz

Rastamon

Chepejapaneztoi

Fartachu

Mommysbroke

Pustulette

Wakamole

Guntotingoth

Watchutawkinboutwillis

Tracilords

and the Number 1 Rejected Pokemon Name...

Liberachee

Tags: humor

The Top 16 Fatal Things to Say to Your Pregnant Wife (Part II)

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 12:30:03 GMT

clipped by: LorisKnight

Clip Source: www.topfive.com

"Sure you'll get your figure back -- we'll just search 1985 where you left it."

"Honey -- Come show the guys your Brando impression!"

"Sweetheart, where'd you put that Victoria's Secret catalog?"

"What's the big deal? If you can handle *me* going in, surely you can handle a baby coming out."

"Oh, this is just great! Now, on top of everything else, child support."

"I know today's your due date, but Larry just got a 10 point buck and that's a reason to celebrate, too."

Tags: humor

The Top 16 Favorite Movies of Jenna Bush

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 12:23:11 GMT

clipped by: LorisKnight

Clip Source: www.topfive.com

Rebel Without a Card

Austin Bars: The Guy Who Snagged Me

The American Precedent

Me, Myself and I.D.

The Little Barmaid

The Keg and I

Good Morning, Magistrate!

Bend Hurl

The Hunt for OctoberFest

License to Kill Your Dad's Chances of Re-Election

Drunk and Drunker

The Clodfather

9 1/2 Weeks -- of Community Service

Heaving Las Cervezas

Honey, I've Drunks for Kids!

and the Number 1 Favorite Movie of Jenna Bush...

You've Got Bail!

Tags: humor

The Top 16 Favorite Movies of Jenna Bush

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 12:21:18 GMT

clipped by: LorisKnight

Clip Source: www.topfive.com

I Know What You Did Last Weekend, and So Does the Rest of the Country, Including Your Parents

The Cider House RULES!!

Glenfiddich Glen Ross

C.H.U.G.

Falling Down, Drunk

A Fish Called Jenna

The Texas Braincell Massacre

The Beer Hunter

101 Citations

The Legend of Drunken First Daughter

What Did You Do in the Bar, Daddy?

A Pack o' Schlitz, Now!

Tanked Girl

From Beer to Fraternity

Puking Tiger, Heaving Dragon

and the Number 1 Favorite Movie of Jenna Bush...

Dude, Where's My Lawyer?

Tags: humor

The Top 15 Names for Wal-Mart Wine

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 12:17:18 GMT

clipped by: LorisKnight

Clip Source: www.topfive.com

Box O' Grapes

Chateau du Crack Chardonnay

White Trashfindel

Big Red Gulp

Grape Expectations

Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays"

Sam's Dog 20/20

Chef Boyardeaux

Trucker's Choice

Blue Light Special Nun

Chateau des Moines

Mogen Darryl

I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!

World Championship Wriesling

and the Number 1 Name for Wal-Mart Wine...

Nasti Spumanti

Tags: humor

Amazing-but-True Facts!

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 12:11:49 GMT

clipped by: LorisKnight
clipper's remarks: Not.

Clip Source: www.topfive.com

Approximately one-sixth of your life is spent on Wednesdays.

Because printed materials are being replaced by CD-ROM, microfiche and the Internet, libraries that previously sank into their foundations under the weight of their books are now in danger of collapsing in extremely high winds.

In 1843, a Parisian street mime got stuck in his imaginary box and consequently died of starvation.

To human taste buds, Zima is virtually indistinguishable from zebra urine.

A dog's naked behind leaves absolutely no bacteria when pressed against carpet.

A team of University of Virginia researchers released a study promoting the practice of picking one's nose, claiming that the health benefits of keeping nasal passages free from infectious blockages far outweigh the negative social connotations.

Every Labrador retriever dreams about bananas.

Coca-Cola was the favored drink of Pharaoh Ramses. An inscription found in his tomb, when translated, was found to be almost identical to the recipe used today.

Tags: humor

Dear Yahoo, This Is Why Google Is Kicking Your Ass

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 08:01:00 GMT

clipped by: LorisKnight
clipper's remarks: lol

Clip Source: blog.cubevoice.com

We have been trying to reach someone at Yahoo Advertising. But all the numbers on your site are either disconnected or not working. Is there ANY way we can pay you money? Please? Normally we contact people by phone or email, but perhaps you are using some kind of advanced alien technology that a small business like ours is unaware of? Please enlighten us by contacting kamo@hikkup.com or dialing (650)-261-1643. Fax: 1-267-285-1643.

Tags: humor, yahoo, google

Cyanide and Happiness

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 18:06:54 GMT

clipped by: LorisKnight

Clip Source: www.explosm.net

Tags: humor, comics

Ripper website hires noted exorcist to cast out demon Weasel of Oz

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 21:09:55 GMT

clipped by: LorisKnight

Clip Source: www.bilegrip.com

That's right, that's us. Bilegrip has obtained the services of Italian freelance exorcist Volfango Tuttimiguarda. His mission: remove the curse of John Howard from the minds and hearts of Australians still under the hobgoblin's evil spell.

Our exorcist first came to the world's attention upon his sacking from the Vatican for attempting to rid the infamous nation-state of its anti-Christian influence. His method of exorcism, that of wetting a large head of sacred kale (pictured) with holy Pellegrino water, then shaking it vigorously while hurling canonical epithets at the ruling body of outraged nun-cleavers and anti-abortionists, proved a futile gesture in the event.

Tags: humor

8 Celebrities Whose Obituaries CNN Has Probably Already Written

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 16:09:30 GMT

clipped by: LorisKnight

Clip Source: www.cracked.com

When noteworthy (read: attractive and/or wealthy) people die, news agencies like CNN are duty-bound to report it, particularly if the deceased had especially large breasts. And, since waiting until news happens to write the article about it is so 1983, CNN and other agencies often write celebrity obituaries long before those celebrities are technically "dead." (Wikipedia even has an article dedicated to premature obituaries, with a special shout-out to CNN, who went the extra mile and actually published a few obits before the famous people in question had actually, y'know, died.)

#8. Courtney Love

#7. Magic Johnson

#6. "Iron" Mike Tyson

#5. Lindsay Lohan

#4. Phyllis Diller

#3. Roy Horn (of Sigfried and Roy)

#2. Abe Vigoda

#1. Dick Clark

Tags: humor

Bumper Stickers in Heaven

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 19:42:54 GMT

clipped by: LorisKnight

Clip Source: www.beliefnet.com

Honk if you ARE Jesus

Ask Me About My Previous Lives

I Brake For Celestial Choirs

I Died and Went To Heaven and All I Got Was This Lousy Halo

Tags: humor