Clipmarks | ColoradoRight's 'humor' clips

What Liberals Write

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 18:36:23 GMT

If you’re wondering what liberals write at their blogs, look at this post by Josh Marshall that I found linked to at Hot Air. Here’s the post in its entirety:

Deep Thought

Why did Bush ruin the country?

Now, the obvious answer is “To annoy Josh Marshall,” but why would President Bush be after Josh like that? We all know Bush spies on everyone, so he’s probably knows of the wicked things Josh does under his covers and decided to punish him for it.

But this is all assuming Bush did it on purpose. Maybe he just didn’t see the dry clean only tag on the country. Or maybe he had no idea not to leave the country by the heater after it gets wet. Or possibly he either didn’t notice or didn’t know what it meant when the change oil light appeared on the country.

Tags: humor, liberals, george w bush, president, country, ruin, thought, dry cleaning

Colonoscopy Humor

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 20:35:18 GMT

clipped by: ColoradoRight

Clip Source: commonsenselogic.blogspot.com

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

Tags: humor, medicine

The Art of Wahh!!

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 19:21:47 GMT

clipped by: ColoradoRight

Clip Source: www.thenoseonyourface.com

Sun Tzussein Obama is traditionally considered to be the author of The Art of Wahh!!, an immensely influential ancient book on liberal strategy.

If you have the entire mainstream media in your back pocket and are able to silence the opposition, you need not fear a hundred elections. If conservative bloggers and radio hosts are allowed to remain in the fray, spreading their lies, for every victory you will earn a defeat; If Chris Matthews suddenly stops talking about how you “send a tingly feeling through my boy parts” in an effeminate voice, you will then succumb in every battle.

When faced with close fighting in battleground states, register as many voters–living and dead–as many times as possible; this will create the perception of numeric advantage, and can tip the balance in your favor.

Never substitute an effective plan or policy when a bumper-sticker slogan can be used.

Where your enemy is weak, attack in force with outrageous lies;

Tags: humor, obama, media, lies, denial, tingles

New Legal Argument

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 20:00:27 GMT

clipped by: ColoradoRight
clipper's remarks: The father-son relationship? Aside from the genetic one - this seems to be put forward as some sort of legal argument for confidentiality.

Always good to know that the Democrats can be counted on for new thinking when it comes to hiding things.

Clip Source: www.knoxnews.com

NASHVILLE - State Rep. Mike Kernell said today that he was aware of Internet rumors about his son being the subject of speculation that he accessed the personal e-mail of vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

Asked whether he or his son, a student at the University of Tennessee-Knoxville, had been contacted by authorities investigating the break-in of Palin's account, he responded:

"Me, no."

As far as his 20-year-old son, David, he said: "I can't say. That doesn't mean he has or hasn't (been contacted by investigators)."

Kernell, D-Memphis, cited the father-son relationship.

Tags: democrats, legal, privacy, jurisprudence, humor

Knightley Anorexia Cure

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 20:17:06 GMT

clipped by: ColoradoRight

Clip Source: defamer.com

Mention Keira Knightley's name to us, and two things come immediately to mind: Atonement, and a startlingly precipitous clavicle. For years, Knightley has been fending off rumors about her bony physique, though now, the squatting star believes she's hit upon a plan that will silence her critics once and for all:

'The Duchess' actress - who is often criticised for her slim figure - believes she would get a break from her detractors if she had a baby.

She said: 'That's a good reason to have a kid. They won't say I'm anorexic any more.

Having a baby (who we imagine, for some reason, would come out of the womb already furiously chain-smoking) could be the answer to all of Knightley's Hollywood prayers! Flush with pregnancy curves, no longer would the actress have to suffer the indignity of digitally-enhanced breasts and four-Skittle dinners. Or, alternately, Knightley could simply eat a sandwich every now and then. You know, whichevs!

Tags: humor, baby, anorexia

Hippie Punching

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 19:12:50 GMT

clipped by: ColoradoRight
clipper's remarks: Do your part today.

Clip Source: www.imao.us

If there's one thing I've realized over the past few years is that hippies are not being punched quite enough, and I think the recent incident with Berkeley and the Marines shows the problem of not enough hippie punching.

So what has led to this dearth in hippie punching? Breakdown in family structure? Loss of prayer in school? Increasing childhood obesity? Prevalence of non-violent videogames? Whatever the reason, I think we need to spend more time telling the next generation the importance of striking hippies in the face with a fist. No functional society has survived hippies running around unpunched, and America will be similarly doomed if we don't change our ways.

Our military is overseas killing terrorists -- the violent form of the hippie -- so they can't be here punching hippies for us. We have to do that ourselves.

Tags: culture, hippies, punch, humor

Demonic Wrath

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 22:02:11 GMT

clipped by: ColoradoRight

Clip Source: minx.cc

Al Qaeda Commander Killed By Missile Strike and Dick Cheney's Demonic Wrath, But Mostly Dick Cheney's Demonic Wrath

Dick Cheney's turn-ons include sunsets,
Victorian erotic poetry, and Death.

The High Value Target recently vaporized has been reconstructed, approximately, enough to identify him.

Third Highest-Ranking Al Qaeda Terrorist?: So he's been ranked, but I hear that's only his computer ranking, artificially inflated by running up the score on inferior competition like Chinese prostitutes and 12 year old schoolgirls.

Against real competition from the Great Satan Conference, he didn't fare so well.

Tags: terrorism, al queda, dick cheney, humor

Reacting to Backlash, Clinton Campaign Neuters Attack Dog

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 17:33:29 GMT

clipped by: ColoradoRight

Clip Source: www.imao.us

Tags: humor

CarbonKid - Baby Power Generator

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 23:09:39 GMT

clipped by: ColoradoRight

Clip Source: www.thepeoplescube.com

Is this not the true People's Power that will end forever the greed and oppression of Big Electricity by giving them a jolt of the Revolution?"

Here's my answer. I came up with it during one of my Leer Jet trips to Asia. The place was crawling with useless, carbon-breathing babies. The babies are the ultimate mindless consumers. They don't contribute anything to society except waste, gas, noise, and general disturbance. They are perpetually moving obstacles that can trip you up and literally impede your progress towards a brighter, enlightened future.

So I thought, if babies are crawling around aimlessly anyway, why not slip them into static-generating pads connected to the community power grid? Let them earn their keep, sweep the floor, and protect the planet by generating renewable energy at the same time. I call it the TriplePlay™ formula.

Tags: humor, global warming, algore, idiots

Fire - Good Idea?

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 21:50:40 GMT

clipped by: ColoradoRight
clipper's remarks: Just humor

Clip Source: coloradoright.wordpress.com

[Video]

Tags: humor, fire, stone age, focus groups, ideas, innovation

PeopleSpeak Mouth Detergent

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 17:58:10 GMT

clipped by: ColoradoRight

Clip Source: www.thepeoplescube.com

If you are a foul-mouthed progressive candidate suffering from a poor public perception, this product is guaranteed to leave your tongue and the nation's memory sparkling clean and ready for your leadership. PeopleSpeak™ mouth detergent and word-replacement formula works by filtering out inappropriate statements, automatically replacing them with nurturing words that reach into people's hearts and establish the positive model of care, motherhood, breastfeeding, and unconditional handouts.

LISTEN TO WHAT OUR SATISFIED CUSTOMERS ARE SAYING...

Barney Frank: I used to have a male prostitution ring run from my home, but an application of PeopleSpeak™ made it sound as if I supported sexual minorities in their struggle against oppression. It pays to be a dedicated PeopleSpeak™ user!

Harry Reid: Every time someone mentions my lack of spine, duplicity, or shady land deals, a generous application of PeopleSpeak™ eliminates any traces of wrongdoing and restores a healthy balance of power.

Tags: humor, comrades, speech, cleanup, inappropriate, care, motherhood, handouts

Click It - 12 Pack Style

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 19:25:01 GMT

clipped by: ColoradoRight
clipper's remarks: Afterward a group of violent environmentalists beat the man to death for injuring a tree.

Clip Source: www.kcra.com

CITRUS HEIGHTS, Calif. -- A man who lost control of his vehicle and was later treated for injuries may have buckled in a pack of beer, but not himself, according to a police report.

Citrus Heights police said witnesses saw Alexsandr Gritsyuk traveling northbound at about 60 mph on Van Maren Lane Sunday night, but failed to negotiate a turn at Garden Gate and hit a tree.

Officers said Gritsyuk appeared to be unrestrained by a seat belt, but that a 12-pack of beer in his car was secure.

The investigation is continuing.

Tags: humor, beer, car, crash, police

Making the World a Better Place - Hilton Style

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 18:22:36 GMT

clipped by: ColoradoRight
clipper's remarks: When money meets IQ deficiency

Clip Source: gofugyourself.typepad.com

Remember last year -- so long ago! -- when Paris went to prison, and when she came out she vowed to completely change her life by eschewing all that embarrassing public partying and club-crawling, in favor of abandoning her dumb-skank reputation and using her fortune and notoriety to make the world a better place?

Tags: humor, fug, paris hilton

Ancient Mass Media Report

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 00:10:29 GMT

clipped by: ColoradoRight
clipper's remarks: Judea Today
Another Consumer of Nature's Resources Born in Bethlehem

An international scientific consensus has been reached, and it's not in Mary and Joseph's favor. Had the parents of Jesus been more proactive in raising their awareness, they may have considered such important factors as Judea's fragile environment and air pollution that only increases with every newborn child. No matter how amusing a set of small carbon footprints around the house may seem initially, potential parents should always remember that the footprints will only become bigger as the child matures and turns into yet another indulgent consumer of nature's limited resources.

Clip Source: www.thepeoplescube.com

How did the ancient mass media report the alleged birth of Christ? The People's Cube prepared the following compilation of quotes from the Roman and Judean sources, which should help our readers to form an unbiased opinion of what really happened in the days surrounding the so-called Christmas

© 2007 Directorate of Historical Revisionism, Karl Marx Treatment Center.

Tags: media, christmas, religion, history, humor

Its Beginning to Look a Lot Like Doomsday

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 00:57:21 GMT

clipped by: ColoradoRight

Clip Source: www.thepeoplescube.com

Lyrics by Comrade Ivan Betinov, music by Santa Claus, global warming by Al Gore

It's beginning to look a lot like doomsday
Every-where we turn
we see ice caps are getting thin
because of our global sin

and polar bears are getting a sunburn

It's beginning to look a lot like doomsday
Just as Gore did cry
buy a carbon credit right now
to offset your farting cow

If you don't we'll die!

But the Pa-r-ty bure-au-cra-ts in Bali will set all th-ings to right
Glo-bal warming deniers, they will lose their pitiful fight
The Carbon Credits guard us while we sleep

And the little Dutch boy has no cause to weep...no...more!

It's beginning to look a lot like doomsday
Don't you dare forget:
Buy a compact flourescent light,
Turn off the heat at night,

and huddle together with your household pet!

It's beginning to look a lot like doomsday
Red banners now unfurl
And the whims of the PCC
Soon will be a state decree
All across the world,

all acro-o-oss the-e-e Wor-l-d!

Tags: humor, global warming, algore, carbon credits