Clipmarks | 4freedomstantra's 'humor' clips

The Replacement

Wed, 14 May 2008 16:02:17 GMT

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him, "You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose, the person in that room will switch with you. They'll go to heaven and you'll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room."

The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped. The second room has someone being burned by a torch. The third has a man getting blown by a naked woman.

"I choose this room!" the man says.

"Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder.

"You can go now. I've found you're replacement."

Tags: humor, sex joke, fun, funny, comedy

Shakie Shakie!

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 22:25:53 GMT

clipped by: 4freedomstantra
clipper's remarks: The man just smiles and says, "Parkinson's."

Clip Source: www.askaboutloveandsex.com

An elderly woman moves into a nursing home. Her daughter helps her unpack and get settled in. After a few days, the woman notices a male resident who sits out on the porch every day, all by himself. She decides to go over and talk to him.

She asks if she can sit with him awhile. He looks at her for a second and says, "Yeah, you can, but only if you'll hold my dick." At first she's horrified and outraged. But then she thinks, "He's lonely, I'm lonely…" Finally, she agrees. She gets a blanket to put over their laps and she sits next to him every day, holding his dick.

After a few weeks, her daughter comes to take her mother for a weekend visit. When the woman returns to the nursing home, the first thing she sees is the man on the porch next to another elderly woman. They have a blanket across their laps. The first woman knows what the second woman is doing. She storms up the steps and starts yelling at the man.

"What does SHE have that I don't have?!" she screams.

Tags: fun, humor, sex jokes, joke, funny

Pinocchio learns masturbation

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 23:11:46 GMT

clipped by: 4freedomstantra

Clip Source: www.askaboutloveandsex.com

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.

A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"

Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

Tags: fun, humor, funny, sex joke, joke, pinocchio, masturbation

The bell system

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 19:06:12 GMT

clipped by: 4freedomstantra

Clip Source: www.askaboutloveandsex.com

A fire chief had just gotten married and on his honeymoon he informed his new wife that their house was going to be run like a firehouse… he said that they would have sex on the bell system.

He went on to say that one bell meant take your clothes off… two bells meant get into bed… and three bells meant start fooling around.

The fire chief came home from work one day and decided to try out his system…. he hollered "One Bell" and she took off her clothes. He hollered "Two Bells" and she got into bed. He hollered "Three Bells" and they started fooling around like crazy.

A few minutes later, SHE yells "Four Bells."

"Four Bells?" the fire chief asks, "What is four bells?"

"Let out more hose, Your nowhere near the fire!"

Tags: humor, jokes, sex-jokes, fun, funny